Starting Over Blog

The show begins with Antonia searching the house for her eyeglasses. She looks around and gets Jodi to help her. When she can't find the glasses she says a prayer to Saint Anthony, the patron saint of lost things. A moment later, she finds her glasses under the bed. She tells Jodi that Saint Anthony always helps her.

In the confessional, Christie says she feels like she is out of her mind with stress over the 5k run. She says her housemates are stressing her out even more. In the confessional, Jodi says she is trying not to take over for Christie, but that a lot needs to be done in a short period of time.

Sommer calls her mom, Dyanne, and tells her she graduated last night. Her mom is very excited for her. Meanwhile, Antonia is in the kitchen trying to eat and avoid chewing on the side with the broken tooth. In the confessional, Antonia says she can't pay for a dentist unless it is under $200.

Iyanla arrives to meet with Niambi. In the confessional, Iyanla says Niambi's goal is to Run Toward Life, but Niambi has a "darkness" looming over her that is keeping her from achieving that goal. Iyanla asks Niambi to name the four most dominant relationships in her life. Niambi names two: Situation Man (AKA Lucius) and her mom. Iyanla says Niambi has to relationships which are dishonest, critical, and inauthentic. She says when a relationship is inauthentic, the pain of it lingers inside.

Iyanla asks Niambi to describe how she feels inside. Niambi says she feels empty and like there is a void. Iyanla asks her the color of the "void" inside, and Niambi says it is black. Iyanla asks her to go inside the void describe how it feels inside of that blackness. Niambi says "Where am I? Where is the light switch?" She says it feels like God has forgotten about her. Iyanla tells Niambi that the place inside is not a place at all, but a person. She says it is a part of Niambi. In the confessional, Iyanla says everybody has a shadow self. She says it is our dark side and the place we put everything we suppress and cover-up. She says whatever we give to the shadow always winds up showing up in our everyday life.

Iyanla has Niambi stand in front of a large foam board. Iyanla then traces Niambi's outline on the foam, and has Niambi cut out the figure. In the confessional, Iyanla says that now Niambi understands she has a shadow, and that it is important for her to have recognized it.

Iyanla takes the large foam cutout of Niambi and places it over Niambi as Niambi is sitting on the couch. Iyanla tells Niambi she has seen her shadow side come out sometimes, and mentions that she saw it when Niambi was at the restaurant arguing with Christie. Iyanla asks her to name the characteristics of her own shadow. Niambi says her shadow is venomous, defensive, intolerant, etc. As Niambi names these characteristics, Iyanla writes them on cards and pins them to Niambi's foam shadow. Iyanla tells Niambi that her shadow protected her and took blows for her that she herself couldn't take. She says that when Niambi's shadow needed her, however, she wasn't there for her. Iyanla tells Niambi to spend some time with her shadow and come up with some more characteristics of it. In the confessional, Niambi says the biggest thing she wants to work on in the house is her "dark side."

Antonia calls one of her creditors to see if they will negotiate a settlement. In the confessional, Antonia says her tooth is broken and her head hurts, and yet she still has to call these creditors.

Niambi has written more characteristics of her shadow and pinned them to it. Iyanla comes back and goes over them. Niambi has written things like "Go to hell," and "I don't need this sh*t." Niambi says it is scary to see that these things are inside her and asks Iyanla if she has to be burdened with these things for the rest of her life. Iyanla says she just needs to acknowledge that these things exist. Iyanla then tells Niambi that each characteristic has a behavior attached to it. She says the first step is to call "her" (the shadow) up and truly acknowledge her. Then Iyanla ties Niambi's shadow to her ankle and tells her she will have to drag the shadow around (dragging it across the floor behind her). She tells Niambi that when Niambi eats, her shadow eats, etc. Niambi says the shadow is going to get messed up and all dirty, but Iyanla says her shadow is already that way. In the confessional, Iyanla says Niambi is quickly going to make an intense connection with her dark side. She says that Niambi can then stare down her issues and move forward.

The women gather for group and Dr. Stan arrives. In the confessional, Stan says the women don't understand the significance of the 5k run. He says it has a larger purpose. He tells the women that he wants to talk about the race and find out why they believe they are participating in the planning of it. Jodi says she needs compassion for Christie because Christie has never done this kind of thing before. Jodi says she has been a project leader, and she needs to have compassion for Christie because this is her first time having that kind of responsibility.

Niambi says Christie is leaning on Jodi and Sommer mostly, and she hasn't been asked to participate very much in the planning. She says she would if asked. Christie asks her whether she is going to run in the 5k. Niambi says she isn't going to run, but is only going to walk the 5k (ED Niambi seems annoyed). In the confessional, Niambi says the women have unrealistic expectations about her performance in the 5k. She says she is no longer a "performance runner." Stan tells Niambi that Christie was only asking whether she (Niambi) was going to participate in the 5k, but that Niambi's reaction was strong and indicated that Niambi thought it was personal. Christie says that that's all she was asking--whether or not Niambi would be participating. Christie says to her, Niambi's participation is support.

Stan then tells the women that the 5k is about more than supporting Christie. He says the run is about running for women who do not have the resources to start over and change their lives. He says they are putting on this run for women who can't run. In the confessional, Sommer says Stan brought home what they are all doing with this race. She says it is a way to help many women. Stan tells the women that the premise of the run is to help women change their lives, and then group is adjourned.

Iyanla meets with Antonia and asks her how she is doing. Antonia says her tooth is broken, her sinuses are bothering her, and she has a pimple. Iyanla asks her whether she has made any progress in her financial issues. Antonia says she has called everybody and written down the amounts she owes, etc. Iyanla tells Antonia she is concerned about her. She says when she looks at Antonia she sees a gorgeous, powerful, talented woman... Then Antonia opens her mouth and reveals that she is behaving like a 14 year old girl. Antonia starts laughing. Iyanla says Antonia whines and creates drama. She says she is concerned Antonia doesn't have the self-respect and honor to sustain herself. She asks Antonia what she has learned and what will stop her from repeating her behavior and getting right back into debt. Antonia asks, "Are you serious?" She tells Iyanla that she never wants to be in debt again. She says all her time and effort would have been wasted if she went back into debt after leaving the house.

Iyanla asks Antonia what is "anchored in your soul" that will keep her from doing that. Antonia says it is her willingness not to get back into debt. Iyanla says Antonia needs a "battle cry" and a symbol of victorious behavior. Iyanla brings out a blank red flag and tells Antonia she wants her to create a symbol on the flag. In the confessional, Iyanla says the symbol will help Antonia remember "what she is fighting for," and will help her persevere through difficult times.

Jodi calls a MAC make-up representative and asks if she would like to donate goody-bags to the 5k. The woman sounds interested and says she will call Jodi back.

Antonia goes to Big Lots and shops for things she needs to create her symbol on the flag.

Niambi drags her shadow around the house. In the confessional, Niambi says her shadow is named "Sasha," and that this alter ego is combative and aggressive. Niambi tells Jodi that she has to drag "Sasha" all around the house. Iyanla arrives and says she has brought additional tags that Niambi can put on Sasha if she thinks of other characteristics she would like to add to the shadow. Niambi asks Iyanla whether she can just jump on her shadow and "beat her up." Iyanla says her shadow has taken blows for her for a long time, and Niambi shouldn't beat her up. Jodi then tells Niambi the story about her mask. She says that when she tried to break her mask with anger, the mask wouldn't break. She says Iyanla told her to do it in a loving manner, and she says the mask broke right apart really easily. Jodi tells Niambi that her mask got her to the house and protected her. She tells Niambi that like her mask, however, Niambi doesn't need her shadow anymore.

Atnonia finishes shopping and in the confessional she says she is acting responsibly now. She says she feels like anything is possible since entering the SO house.

Dr. Stan and Christie meet to talk about the 5k. Stan says Christie has been looking worried. Christie says she was very stressed out, but is calming down a little today. She says she feels a lot of pressure. Stan asks her what she usually does when she is under pressure. Christie says in the past she has freaked out, and then shut down and used food/drugs/alcohol to "numb out." Stan says she "numbed out" because it was easier than doing the work. Christie says she is doing the work now, but still feels a sense of "dread" about the run. Stan tells her to do what she can do, and that she can't do it all in such a short time. He tells her to prioritize. He also tells her not to afraid to ask for help.

Antonia asks Jodi to go with her to look at an apartment she is interested in renting. They arrive at the apartment complex and meet with the property manager, Rene. He shows them the apartment, and Antonia really likes it. Jodi thinks it's a very cute apartment too. Antonia tells Rene she doesn't have good credit, and he says they may ask for a larger deposit from her if she wants the apartment.

Dr. Stan and Niambi meet. Stan talks with her about her shadow. Niambi says that she wants to eradicate some aspects of her shadow, but she wants to soften the edges and not completely erase other aspects. Stan agrees that some characteristics just need to be softened and used in a healthy way. Stan then asks Niambi about Situation Man (Lucius). Niambi says she has been speaking to him. In the confessional, Niambi says things have changed with Lucius. She says he is no longer involved with the other woman, and has declared his feelings for her. Niambi tells Stan she wants a friendship with Lucius and then later decides whether to pursue something more. Stan asks her if this "friendship" includes sexual relations. Niambi says "this is 2006, Stan." Stan says she can do whatever she wants, but suggests that a friendship with sex included is what she has had with Lucius all along.

Antonia and Jodi return from looking at the apartment. In the confessional, Antonia says she will find out in 24-48 hours whether she has gotten the apartment. She says she is nervous about it. She tells Christie about the apartment, and Christie tells her that it was a very "big girl" thing to do. Antonia says it was a "grown-ass woman" thing to do.

Stan and Niambi continue their discussion. Stan says just because Niambi calls the "situation" between her and Lucius something different, it doesn't change the dynamic of the relationship. He says she is calling it something different, but acting the same. Niambi says she has issues with trusting Lucius. Stan says calling her relationship with Lucius a "friendship" will not keep her from getting hurt. He says Lucius is either going to be what she wants, or he isn't. In the confessional, Stan says Niambi is desperate to have this relationship with Lucius, and she will tell herself anything to continue with it. He says that is potentially dangerous. He tells Niambi that a relationship is destructive if it holds you back and tells her to think about her situation with Lucius for a while.

Antonia works on her flag. In the confessional, she says she has a lot going on today. She says before she would have just called it quits, and she is proud of herself for being responsible and doing all she needs to get done.

In the confessional, Niambi says Lucius knows "Sasha" (her shadow) better than he knows Niambi. She says she wants Lucius to know all the parts of her. She says her relationship with Lucius has not been a healthy one.

Preview: Antonia’s will is tested. Christie's 5k run could be on the verge of falling apart. And the women must step up to the plate.