Starting Over Blog

The show begins with the women getting ready for their day. Lisa misses Allison being there (she's still in Houston), and says that Allison always wakes her up and makes her bed for her when she's there.

The women gather for group and they put the statue in Allison's seat as a stand-in for her again. Rhonda arrives for group and today's topic is sexuality. Rhonda asks the women when they discovered their sexuality. Jill says she had sex for the first time at 16 with her boyfriend. She said it was in a stairwell, and so the setting was not good. It was cold and there was a 'Do Not Enter' sign above her head, which Rhonda says was a message from 'on-high'. Jill says she felt good about herself and her sexuality then, but in high school, she had sex with a football player, and later when she called him, his girlfriend answered and then he told her not to ever call him again. She felt used. TJ says her first time was at 16 with her boyfriend who was 19. She says her mom let the boyfriend move in with her (!!). Jill asks how her mom could have allowed that, and TJ said that she would do anything to keep TJ out of her hair. Lisa says her first experience was abusive (the molestation), and that she doesn't really enjoy sex, and has not really had an orgasm. Rhonda says a lot of women don't orgasm through penetration... Jill says she can count the number of orgasms she's had on one hand. Christina says she is orgasmic, and Jessica says she never has them. Rhonda asks Lisa if she has ever had a satisfying sexual encounter, and Lisa says 'not really'. She says she likes the companionship and the physical closeness, but not the sex. Rhonda asks her if she feels she owes a man sex if he takes her out to eat and spends money on her. Lisa says she does feel that way. Rhonda says our sexuality and the way we feel about it influences our entire lives. She then tells Lisa she is going to meet with her at a location later in the day. Group is adjourned.

Rhonda and Lisa meet at an outside diner. Rhonda says they must figure out what it is that Lisa likes about having a relationship with a man. Rhonda says that Lisa doesn't enjoy sex, and is not physically 'turned on', and asks Lisa what the point of a relationship is for her. Lisa says she fears being alone, likes it when a man wants her, and says she mostly just falls into a relationship when her flirting gets out of hand. Rhonda asks her to evaluate the guys who are walking by as they sit at the outside diner, and tell her who she finds attractive and why. Lisa says she likes uptight, banker types because they are mysterious. She doesn't like guys who are too young because they only want sex. She says she likes arrogant guys because they represent more of a challenge to her. Rhonda says the person who molested her 'trained' her into thinking that a relationship involves being abused, controlled and hurt. She asks Lisa whether she has ever been in love, and Lisa she doesn't think so. She tells Lisa that she is going to meet with a sex expert today.

Jill goes to Jenny Craig and has her weigh-in. She is shocked to find out she has gained 7lbs. Her weight loss counselor, Bill Jones, calms her down and tells her not to over think the weight gain. He says these things happen, and not to get discouraged.

Rhonda and Jessica meet to talk about Jessica's thoughts about leaving NY and moving to LA. Rhonda says Jessica doesn't know what she really wants. Rhonda puts up a large photo of NY and gives Jessica a pack of post-it notes. She tells her to write down on each post-it what she doesn't like about NY. Jessica writes that she never intended to stay in NY, that she wants to be closer to her family (who are in southern California and Boston), that she is always reminded of 9/11, that she feels anxious and isolated in NY, etc. They cover the NY photo with the post-it notes. Jessica starts crying and Rhonda asks her why. She says she is thinking of the life she wanted in NY. Rhonda says NY says NY represents a city of loss for Jessica. She lost her mom there, her career, and her boyfriend, Omar. Then she puts up a large photo of Los Angeles (where Jessica has said she want to live). She writes on the post-it notes all the reasons she wants to move to LA--nature, her family being close by, the newness, etc. Rhonda then tells Jessica to go put on her running shoes/shorts because they're going to go for a jog.
Jill is back from Jenny Craig, and says she is not going to let the weight loss get her down. She says she tried the best she could, and still gained weight, but that she still feels better than she has in years. She exercises on the treadmill.

Rhonda and Jessica jog down the road. Rhonda tells Jessica that they are running because all Jessica ever does is run. She runs from 9/11, from Omar, and from NY. Jessica starts getting upset and says she can't breathe. They stop jogging and Jessica says she doesn't know how to stop running from everything. Rhonda says that if Jessica moves to LA, she will bring all her problems with her. Jessica says she doesn't know what to do and needs help to figure things out. They walk back to the house.

Lisa goes to Dynamic Learning and Listening Center to meet with sexual abuse counselor, Dr. Pamela Varady. Dr. Varady is a clinical psychologist. She asks Lisa about her first sexual experience, and Lisa talks about the molestation at 10 years old. She tells Dr. Varady how the abuser told her he would kill her parents if she didn't go along with it. Dr. Varady says that Lisa was taught by that experience that to stay powerless and to not say no was the safe thing to do for herself and her family. She says the problem is that Lisa is still living that same thing now, only she is no longer a 10 year old girl, and it is not working for her now. She says she is no longer in that negative environment the 10 year old Lisa was in, but she still lives like she is. She tells Lisa to imagine herself at 10 years old sitting in an empty chair. She asks Lisa if she is willing to protect that girl, and Lisa says she is. Dr. Varady says the 10 year old needs a lot of attention, and if Lisa will give it to her, she won't have to look for it indiscriminately.

Rhonda and Jessica return to the photos of NY and LA with the post-it notes on them. Rhonda helps Jessica to see that the same things that happened in NY will follow Jessica to LA. Then Rhonda tells Jessica to write 100 gratitudes about NY. She is also to write acknowledgements about the ways NY has supported her in her life. Then she is also to call Omar, her ex-boyfriend, and apologize to him for blaming him for keeping her in NY because it wasn't his fault that she stayed.

Lisa continues to talk to Dr. Varady. The doctor tells her that before she goes on her next date, she is to get the 10 year old Lisa settled in with toys, apple juice, etc., and then go on the date without her. She tells Lisa that the child part of her is the one who has been dating, and that a 10 year old has no business going on a date. She tells Lisa that until she can say 'no', she will feel vulnerable and unsafe in the world.

Lisa returns home and tells TJ and Jessica about her meeting with the doctor. She says she is learing about who she is, and how the molestation affected her. TJ asks, 'are you're just learning this now?' Lisa gets angry and says she is going to punch TJ if she asks her that again. TJ says she and Lisa are very much alike because the both got molested, and they both have low self-esteem.

Christina, TJ and Jessica are outside, and TJ is asking Christina about her 'tricks of the trade' when she was an escort. Christina says she learned by 'hands-on' experience and by watching. TJ says the most amazing sex she has had is just normal sex. She is encouraged that Christina could come out of an escorting environment, and become healthy sexually.

The doorbell rings and Jessica answers it. There is a chocolate fondue-making kit left on the doorstep, and a sexual trivia game for the women to play. Lisa is to be the host of the trivia/fondue party. So Lisa puts together the fondue set, but keeps having trouble, and she asks Jill for help. Jill doesn't want to help because she doesn't want to be involved in eating chocolate (she wants to stay on her diet). Lisa finally get it put together and they cut up fruits, etc, to dip into the chocolate fondue. Jill sits with the women, but is determined not to eat any chocolate. She looks a little angry because Lisa keeps asking her to MC and kind of picks on her a little bit. Jill thinks Lisa is being incredibly insensitive. Lisa asks some sexual trivia questions, and the women eat the chocolate and try to answer the questions. They seem to have a good time.

Jessica asks TJ and Christina for support as she goes to call Omar. She is nervous about talking to him because they haven't spoken since she's been at the house. She calls, and gets an answering service. She leaves a message for him t call her back, but then after she hangs up, she jokingly says, 'don't call back!' She says she is relieved he wasn't there, and needs more time to figure out what she's going to say to him.

Preview: Christina fears her life is about to change (she thinks she might be pregnant). The battle between Lisa and her housemates rages on. Lisa goes on the defensive.