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Monday, January 30, 2006
Jill's Mom
The show starts with Jill's mom, Lynda, walking through the house calling out to Jill. Jill comes out and hugs her mom. They go into the kitchen and Jill introduces her mom to all her housemates. Then Jill shows her mom around and brings her to her bedroom and shows her Miss Mable (the mannequin). Lynda asks why Miss Mable is so ugly, and in the confessional Jill says Mable represents a turning point in her life, and her mom thinks it's ugly...
Lisa A. is still wearing the clothes the people on the street picked out for her. She tells her housemates that she is starting to get angry about wearing the outfit.
Iyanla arrives and meets Lynda. Lynda says she thinks Jill may have portrayed her like Cruella Deville. Iyanla assures her that that's not true. Iyanla and Lynda go to talk privately.
Rhonda arrives for group. She asks the women whether they think Lisa N. is a follower or a leader. The women say that lately she has been a leader. Rhonda asks if she has been using her crutch, and Lisa N. admits she doesn't always use it. Rhonda says leaders don't cheat. Rhonda wants to talk about defensiveness today. She says the definition of defensiveness is when you are trying to be right. She asks Lisa N. whether she is defensive, and she says she is defensive about 50% of the time in the house. Rhonda asks her what that looks like, and Lisa N. says she goes on the attack and tries to prove the other person wrong. Lisa A. says when she gets defensive, she just walks away. She says when her husband wouldn't let her speak her mind; she would just say "forget it". Rhonda says she doesn't believe Lisa A., and that she thinks Lisa A. also wouldn't let her husband speak his mind either. Christie says that in order not to be defensive you have to be accepting--she says she now accepts, for example, that she is a drug addict and an alcoholic. Lisa A. says she can stop being defensive by listening more to her husband's opinions. Rhonda says when you are being defensive, you are trying to convince someone of your point of view. When you are defending, you are just stating the facts and not trying to convince anyone of anything. Group is adjourned.
Iyanla and Lynda are talking about Jill. Lynda says that Jill was always angry and unhappy every day. She says she told her to stop frowning all the time. Iyanla asks Lynda why she thinks Jill was always unhappy, and Lynda says she doesn't know. Iyanla brings up Lynda's mom, "Nanny", and Lynda starts crying. Lynda says her mom had her when she was 18 years old, and for the first five years of her life, she didn't live with her mom. Iyanla tells Lynda that maybe Jill feels about her father being absent the way Lynda feels about her own mother being absent those first five years. Iyanla tells Lynda that this is something Jill has to deal with now, and that it is not on her that Jill feels this way. Iyanla says that inside Jill is a little girl who is still crying out for her daddy. Lynda wonders why Jill never mentioned that to her and Iyanla says Jill told Nanny instead. Lynda says that Jill knows she can tell her anything. Then Lynda asks Iyanla if Jill has mentioned Barry, Jill's stepfather for 8 years. Iyanla is shocked, and says that Jill has never mentioned him. Lynda says he was the ideal husband and the perfect father to Jill. Iyanla asks what happened to him, and Lynda says he was murdered in a hold-up. Iyanla says that means Jill feels abandoned by the two father figures in her life.
Later in the kitchen, Lynda talks with Jill. She asks Jill why she never mentioned Barry. Jill says she just never felt Barry was part of her story. Lynda says she is shocked that Jill never even brought him up. Jill says she just didn't acknowledge him, in the same way she didn't acknowledge her father being absent.
Rhonda finds Lisa N. taking a nap in her bedroom. Lisa N. says she is very tired after the group. Rhonda asks why, and Lisa says she was feeling resentful about her crutch, and that the resentfulness made her tired. Rhonda says Lisa should love her crutch because it is helping her to see what is wrong in her life. She says resentfulness is a form of resistance and a way to not take responsibility. Lisa says she realizes that she has been blaming her parents for everything and not taking responsibility for her life. She says she gets that now. In the confessional, Rhonda says she wonders whether Lisa is just telling her what she wants to hear.
Christie calls her boyfriend Justin. She tells him that she realizes that she is a drug addict and an alcoholic. She says she can never drink or do drugs again because she has an addictive personality. In the confessional, she says Dr. Stan helped her to see this more clearly.
Jill and Lynda continue their talk in the kitchen. Jill tells her mom that when they have conflict with each other, Jill feels like she is 16 years old. She says she got stuck at 16 emotionally. She tells her mom that at 16 she became very sexually active with a couple of guys on the football team. Then she tells her mom she had an abortion at 16. Her mother covers her face with her hands and says she had no idea. In the confessional, she says she wonders if Jill was a "hoochie" in high school. Jill tells her mom she didn't sleep with 20 guys--it was like 4-5 during that period. Jill's mom is acting stunned about the whole thing. In the confessional, Jill says she tries to be honest with her mom, and her mom freaks out. She says she doesn't want to give her another heart attack.
Lisa N. and Rhonda are still talking in the bedroom. Lisa says she couldn't take hearing the truth today in group about her being responsible for herself and her life. She says she realizes now that she created it all--all her problems. Rhonda asks her if the crutch also taught her that, and Lisa says it did. Rhonda tells Lisa that she needs a plan and that she should try not to be resentful. She says when Lisa feels resentful, she should thank her crutch for helping her. Lisa thanks her crutch and kisses it.
Iyanla, Lynda and Jill meet. Iyanla says today Jill is going to have a serious conversation with her mom and become a woman. Jill starts by saying that she feels she sacrificed her self for her mom, so that her mom would be happy. She says she wanted to move away, but she knew her mom would get upset so she didn't. Jill also says that she thinks she might have caused her mom's heart attack because she had told her she was moving to New York right before it happened. Lynda says that Jill didn't cause it. Then Lynda says she thinks if she wouldn't have survived the heart attack, Jill would have been happier. Jill is crying and says she can't believe her mom thinks she wanted her to die. Lynda says she didn't say that--she just thinks Jill wouldn't have had to be angry all the time if she had not survived. Jill says she doesn't want to abandon her mom or anything; she just wants to be independent. Lynda then says she is afraid of dying alone. Jill looks horrified at this admission by her mom and is crying. Lynda says that it's the truth, but maybe she shouldn't have said it. Iyanla says that she absolutely should have said it because there must be honesty in the relationship. Iyanla asks Lynda what she wants her relationship with Jill to look like. Lynda says she wants Jill to be happy. Jill says she wants it to be a place of new experiences for her and her mom, and she wants her mom to be happy for her. Iyanla then tells Lynda that as mothers, when we're not careful we can manipulate our children to live our vision for us. Iyanla says she did that to her daughter, and that her daughter didn't even know that she wasn't living her own vision until six months before she died. Lynda looks upset and is crying. Iyanla says Lynda must be willing to let her daughter go. Then Iyanla gets Jill to look at her mom and tell her she wasn't a bad mother. Jill is crying and tells her mom she wasn't a bad mother at all. She tells her that she loves her more than anything in the world, and that her mom is everything to her. In the confessional, Jill says the conversation with her mom went very well and that she walked out of it feeling whole and still 41 years old (she didn't regress to 16). All three women hug, and then Iyanla tells Jill that a stylist will be coming to do Jill's hair/make-up for the trial.
Lisa A. Jodi, Christie and Lisa N. are in the kitchen talking. Lisa N. is talking about how they are all fighting for their lives, and how they are all hamsters running around in a wheel, etc. In the confessional, Jodi says that Lisa N. is trying to be a life coach to her housemates rather than dealing with her own problems. She says Lisa needs to focus on herself.
Diane Bailey, a hair stylist, arrives to do Jill's hair. Diane and Jill get prepared for the make-over. Diane says she is going to cut the "locks" of Jill's hair and starts cutting them off. She says it is going to free Jill.
Iyanla arrives to meet with Lisa A. They are seated at a table, and Lisa's old miniature landscape is on the table between them. They are talking about group, and Lisa says she blames herself for some things, and her husband for others. Iyanla says Lisa is still being defensive. She asks Lisa why she is wearing that outfit, and Lisa says it because she hasn't taken responsibility for her choices. Iyanla asks Lisa about some of her choices in the past and writes them down on little "flags" that she sticks in to the landscape. Lisa says she was controlling, wore a mask and lied. Iyanla asks her what she did when she had a difficult experience with her husband. Lisa says she ignored him. Iyanla tells Lisa to look over the landscape and look at all the things she did. She says these are all Lisa's choices. In the confessional, Lisa says she knows she can take ownership of her problems.
Jill continues getting her hair done, and Lynda sits nearby reading Jill's indictment. As Lynda reads it, she tells Jill she didn't think her childhood was that bad. Jill says the indictment doesn't say it was. In the confessional, Lynda says she thought Jill had a "perfect" childhood and that Jill loved herself. Lynda tells Jill she feels the indictment is of her too. Jill says it isn't. Lynda says that Jill was unhappy since the age of 5 according to the indictment, and that it makes her feel awful. Then she says to Jill that Jill excelled in spite of it, and that there was no evidence that Jill was so unhappy. Jill says that she didn't graduate from high school, which is a signal.
Iyanla and Lisa A. meet again and look over the landscape. Lisa has written more things she has done in her life on the little flags. Iyanla asks her if she is willing to take responsibility for all of it, and Lisa says she is. Iyanla gets a mirror and holds it up to Lisa. She asks her who that is, and Lisa says it is herself. She asks her if she lied, and Lisa says she did. She asks her if she manipulated, and Lisa says she has... Then Iyanla tells Lisa that she is forbidden from speaking about her husband from now on. She then calls in all the women and tells them that Lisa can no longer speak of her husband. She says that every time Lisa mentions her husband to them, she has to put a dollar in a glass bowl. Then she tells Lisa that she is released from wearing the outfit. She tells all the women to dress nicely for Jill's sentencing hearing. They are all going to be there.
Lynda is in the kitchen alone, and pours herself a glass of wine. She says she has to learn not to depend on Jill so much. She says it will be very difficult, but she also knows it is best for Jill.
Jill reads over her indictment as Diane continues doing her hair. She says she is starting to over rehearse, and she just has to realize that she has done the work.
Preview: Jill's day in court is finally here, but even with a new look and a celebrity judge, she may not be able to pull off a win.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Previews For The Week And Chat
Tomorrow Jill's mom visits the Starting Over house and Tuesday Della Reece makes her appearance as the "judge' at Jill's trial. Jill will also be getting a make-over on Tuesday before her court appearance. I was sort of expecting Jill to graduate this week, but neither Cybergrrrl's previews on the forum, nor the previews at Reality Reel mention any graduations. On Wednesday Christie has a breakthrough and Jill seriously considers contacting her father. On Thursday Lisa N. prepares for a tupperware party (?), and on Friday Kim's housemates prepare for an "intervention" to help her breakthrough her defenses.
Our scheduled chat tomorrow starts at 1PM EST. As always, if you would like to participate, click on the live chat link at the forum (it's right under the FAQ link), or click here. You can use any username you like to enter the chat room and you don't have to be registered to join in. We always have a good time at these chats and all are welcome. See you there!
Friday, January 27, 2006
Kim's Husband and Son Visit
The show starts with Jodi in the confessional saying she wants to do the work required to be successful in the house. Lisa A. and Lisa N. are in the kitchen talking. Lisa A. says that she is wearing the clothes the people on the street picked out for her early in the week, and she is not angry about it. Lisa N. tells her that she is supposed to be mad about it because that is the point. Jill receives a letter from Iyanla telling her that her mom is going to be visiting the house later in the week. Kim is excited that her husband, Jeff, and her son, Jax, are going to be arriving today. Lisa N. is not using her crutches to get around the house, but is instead carrying them around with her.
Iyanla arrives for group. She says today's topic is mothers. She asks the women how they feel about their relationships with their moms. Kim says she doesn't feel like she has a mom. She says she knows her mother now (she found her when she was 21), but she's not really her "mom". She feels sad about it. Jill says that her relationship with her mom is the most involved relationship in her life. She says it is the center of her life. Lisa A. says her mom was a stern mother. She didn't show emotion, and didn't allow Lisa A. to express emotion. Iyanla asks the women to close their eyes, and she is going to ask them a series of question to help them get in touch with their feelings about their moms. She asks the women to finish the sentence, "When I was a little girl, I wanted my mom to..." Christie says she wanted her mom to love her. Jodi says she wanted her mom to be a parent. Kim says she wanted her mom to return. The second sentence is "When I was a little girl, my mom never..." Lisa A. says her mom never talked to her. Jill says her mom never had anything else in her life. The third sentence Iyanla asks them to complete is "When I was a little girl, I wished my mother would have..." Kim says she wishes her mom would have never left. Jodi says she wishes her mom would have never made her be the protector. She says there was no stability in her childhood. Jill says she wishes her mom had been whole. She starts crying and says she just wanted to be happy. She said her mom not being whole cost her her life. Iyanla asks what the one thing they each want to say to their moms. Jill says she wants to say "please see me". Christie says she wants to tell her mom how angry and disappointed she is with the kind of mom her mother was. She says the cost to her was that she didn't have a childhood--she says it cost her everything. Iyanla turns her attention to Kim, and asks her what the cost of her mom abandoning her was for Kim. Kim says it "cost me my emotions". Iyanla asks her what she wants to say to her mom, and Kim says she wants to ask, "Why did you leave me? What did I do to deserve it?" Kim was only 5 years old when her mom left. She is crying, and Iyanla says there is a scream stuck in Kim's throat that needs to come out. She says a 5 year old would have had a temper tantrum if her mom left her, but Kim was never given the outlet to do that. She says Kim is crying, but is still disconnected. Iyanla moves the furniture out of the way and tells Kim to lie on her back on the floor. Kim does so. She tells Kim to kick her feet (like a child having a temper tantrum). She tells her to pull up the energy from the experience of her mom abandoning her. Kim cries and tries to let some of her feelings out. Iyanla tells Kim she is invested in being wounded. Kim cries harder as she lies on the floor. Then Iyanla has Kim lie in a fetal position on the floor and rocks her to give her a sense of safety. In the confessional, Kim says she is kind of embarrassed by the exercise, but relieved to get some of those feelings out too. Iyanla says your mother is your heart, and when you have a break in the relationship, you get a broken heart so deep you think it might kill you if you let it out. Iyanla mentions that Jill's mom is coming and talks about the opportunity she has to do a lot of healing with her mom. Group is adjourned.
Rhonda arrives and Lisa N. answers the door without her crutches. Rhonda asks her if she has earned the right not to use the crutches, and Lisa says she thinks she has. Lisa goes and gets her crutches and she and Rhonda go to Lisa's bedroom to talk. Lisa tells Rhonda about her breaking it off with Mr. Internet. Rhonda takes that tag off of Lisa's crutch. Lisa tells her about calling her mom and talking with her about not using her parents as crutches anymore. Rhonda asks if she talked to her dad too, and Lisa says she hasn't. Next they talk about Lisa developing a support system. Lisa says she has called Jessica and talked with her. She left messages for TJ and Allison, and has talked a lot with Jill. Rhonda says Lisa needs 3 confirmed people in her life. Then Rhonda asks Lisa about 3 goals she has set. Lisa says her first goal is cooking. Rhonda tells her to set a goal of having a dinner party at her home within a month of leaving the house. Lisa's second goal is to take tennis lessons for a minimum of 3 months. Her third goal is to find employment within a month. Rhonda says Lisa has earned the right to have two tags removed from her crutches. She then tells Lisa that she only has to use one crutch from now on because of the good work she is doing.
Kim goes outside to wait for Jeff and Jax to arrive. She says part of the reason she is at the house is to learn to be the best mom she can be for Jax. Jeff and Jax arrive and Kim runs over and kisses them both. She carries Jax inside to meet everybody. Kim introduces Jeff and Jax to all her housemates.
Dr. Stan arrives to meet with Christie. He feels Christie is in denial about some of her past addiction problems. He asks her if she still drinks and she says she hasn't drank in a month. He asks her if she is a drug addict. Christie says she was abusing prescription drugs for a couple of years on and off and quit completely a month ago. Then she tells Stan that she didn't think it would come out like this, but she put herself into a medical detox and got out a month ago. She was very addicted to Vicodin and alcohol, which she was mixing. Stan tells her to really look at her life and all the way in which she has been addicted--food, alcohol, drugs, relationships... He tells her that an addiction specialist is coming to talk with her today. In the confessional, Christie says telling Dr. Stan about the detox was freeing and a load off her mind.
Kim is playing with Jax. Jeff comes in and she goes and sits on his lap. They kiss and talk about how they have missed each other. Rhonda arrives and says she wants to meet alone with Jeff. In the confessional, Kim says she thinks Jeff can shed more light on who she is.
Rhonda and Jeff sit outside and talk. Rhonda says Jeff has information she needs to support Kim. Jeff says Kim has personal issues that sometimes creep in. He says she has challenges with women. He wants her to be happy and successful. Rhonda asks him when the first time he noticed Kim’s issues was. Jeff says after he found out about her family and how they treated her, he knew it must have affected Kim deeply. He says Kim has an inability to settle down and relax. Rhonda asks what he wishes he could do that he can't do because of Kim's issues. Jeff says he wishes he could rest and go away sometimes--have time to himself. He can't, however, because Kim feels abandoned. Rhonda asks if he has ever thought of leaving Kim, and he says he never has any thoughts of that. He says Kim is good at dealing with things because of having to deal with her childhood issues, but Rhonda says that Kim hasn't been that way in the house. Rhonda goes to get Jill so that Jill can tell Jeff of her experiences with Kim.
Jill comes in to talk with Jeff. She tells Jeff that Kim is challenging to get along with. She talks about the time when Kim first arrived and told a really long story. Jill says she and another housemate laughed at Kim and wondered if the story would ever end. She says she apologized to Kim about that, and Jeff asks if it was a sincere apology. Jill says it was. Jeff says Kim does have a tendency to defend her position. Rhonda says Kim hangs onto a point, even when it hurts her chances of healing from something. Jill says no apology is good enough. Jeff admits that Kim can be difficult at times. Jill says she doesn't dislike Kim, but that she has disliked some of her behaviors.
Kim is outside playing with Jax, and they seem to be having a very nice time together.
Rhonda and Jeff continue their discussion. Jill has left. Jeff says that he knew there were issues going on in the house through Kim telling him on the phone, but he thought it was just part of the process. Rhonda tells Jeff that she thinks Kim needs to separate herself from Jeff and Jax a little more. Jeff says he has no problem with that if it will help Kim. Rhonda says Jeff and Kim are going to go to dinner tonight, and tells Jeff he should tell Kim that they are not going to speak to each other as frequently. Jeff agrees to do it.
Jodi calls her mom and tells her she is feeling fragile. She says she had a difficult time in group telling her story yesterday. Her mom tells her that they (the people in the house) are going to love Jodi as much as she loves her and as much as everyone else loves her. Jodi says that she doesn't love herself, so although she gives love to others, maybe she isn't really loving them either.
John Tsilimparis, an addiction specialist, arrives to meet with Christie. Christie tells him about her mom using drugs out in the open and in front of her. She says before she had friends over, she had to make sure there was no drug "paraphernalia" lying around so her friends wouldn't know what was going on.
Kim and Jeff are out having dinner together. Jeff tells her they aren't going to talk as often. Kim asks him if he is okay with that, and he says if it is going to help her then he is okay with it. She talks about his commitment to her, and he says he is completely committed. Then Jeff brings up Jill. Kim says that Jill said she was cold, and Jeff says "maybe you are". Kim says everybody is telling her she is cold. Jeff asks what she thinks about that, and she says she thinks she gets cold when she is afraid. Jeff then tells her about his meeting with Rhonda and how he told Rhonda that he wanted Kim to be able to relax and to be at peace. In the confessional, Jeff says he thinks Kim is committed to the house and the process, but that it was going to take work.
Christie and the addiction expert, John, continue their discussion. John says that there are probably two factors in addiction--genetic predisposition and environment. He says Christie has both playing against her. Christie says she is angry sometimes that she can't just be a social drinker like other people can. John says maybe she can switch her thinking about it, and see that she has an illness, like diabetes, and that she has to take special care of herself because of it. In the confessional, John says Christie is susceptible to relapses and must be vigilant.
Jodi, Christie and Lisa N are in the kitchen talking about Kim. They are discussing how she talks too much. Jodie says she doesn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her to stop talking. At the same time, Kim and Jeff arrive back at the house from their dinner. Jax is asleep and Kim goes to get him so he and Jeff can leave. She walks Jeff outside and they say goodbye. He reminds her that they won't be talking as frequently. They kiss and hug. After they leave, Kim is crying and says there is no doubt she will be crying herself to sleep tonight. It was difficult watching them leave. Then she writes in her journal, and says she thinks it is best to sit and feel her emotions.
Jill's friend, Blu, calls. Jill tells her about the 10 count indictment and that to graduate she has to go to trial. She also mentions that her mom is coming to visit. In the confessional, she says she is secretly glad her mom is coming to the house, and hopes some of the fairy dust will rub off on her mom.
A car pulls up with Jill's mom inside. Her mom walks to the front door... That's how the show ends.
Preview for next week: Jill drops a bombshell on her mom. Lisa A. can't move forward. Christie tries to overcome her deepest demons. Jodie receives unexpected news. Lisa N.'s future in the house hangs by a thread.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
The Break-Up
The show starts with Lisa N. talking to Jodi about her parents buying her a house and giving her all the furniture she needed. She says she wants to start being an adult, and adults do that kind of thing for themselves. Lisa talks about her crutches and says that she has to get rid of the things in her life that she has used as crutches. She mentions relying on her parents and Mr. Internet as two major crutches in her life.
Lisa N. tells Lisa A. that they are going on a trip. Lisa A. is embarrassed at the thought of being asked to do humiliating things in public, but she goes anyway. Jill also goes along.
Rhonda arrives and asks Christie to put on an outfit and meet her in the study. At first Christie is hesitant, and says she wants to see the clothes first (they are in a bag), but Rhonda says she has no choice. Christie goes to change into the outfit. She says she is uncomfortable with her body and feels humiliated wearing the outfit--which is a black pair of form-fitting shorts and tank top.
Lisa A., Lisa N., and Jill arrive at their destination--on the sidewalk of a busy street. Jill tells Lisa A. to "curtsey" across the street and back, but Lisa doesn't want to do it. Then she tells her to skip across the street and flap her arms like a bird. Lisa A. does it, but says she feels very embarrassed. She says she wants to say "go to hell". Next Jill tells Lisa A. to ask a young woman to teach her the "booty dance". Lisa asks her and the girl shows her how to do the dance. Lisa tries to do the dance... Jill feels that Lisa needs this exercise, and thinks it will ultimately help her to take control of her life.
Christie goes to the study in her outfit and meets with Rhonda. She tells Rhonda that she feels embarrassed to be wearing the outfit and fears people are judging her. Rhonda asks her what she thought the gastric bypass surgery would solve in her life. Christie says she thought it would solve everything. Rhonda then has Christie stand up and she begins wrapping Christie's arms with padding and bandages to simulate the extra weight Christie carried before the surgery. She says this exercise is going to help Christie identify all the problems she had before the surgery and help her to see that they're all still there. So Rhonda wraps Christie's arms, legs, etc., and then asks Christie to name the problems in her life before the surgery. Christie says she had bad relationships, was angry, resentful, etc. Rhonda writes each problem on the bandages wrapped around Christie. Christie says she blamed her mom for not loving her, and then used food to fill the void. Then she blamed her mom for her weight problem. She feels her mom was selfish and that her dad was selfish too. She said there were rumors that her dad committed suicide. Rhonda then asks Christie about any other problems she had. Christie said she was dependent, needy, a brat, bitchy, and felt the world owed her something. Rhonda writes all these things on the bandages. Christie says that she thought the gastric bypass surgery would make her beautiful, and she thought if she was beautiful, all her other problems would be solved. She says that she did feel temporarily better after the surgery, but all her problems soon resurfaced. Rhonda tells Christie to wear the bandages for a while and they will meet again later.
Jill, Lisa A. and Lisa N. are now standing on an outdoor balcony above a crowded sidewalk. Jill wants Lisa A. to stand looking over the balcony and yell "I'm queen of the world!" Lisa does it once, but not very loudly, so Jill demonstrates how she wants her to do it. Then Lisa does it again, only louder. In the confessional, Lisa A. says she feels like the queen of embarrassment.
Christie and Jodi are in the kitchen talking. Christie says it's difficult to be in the house because she is afraid something she says will betray her family. Jodi says she too finds it difficult and wants to protect her family.
Kim is doing her laundry. Then in the confessional, she says she doesn't want people to put her clothes in the dryer (if they find them in the washer).
Lisa N. calls Rhonda and leaves a message. She says she is learning a lot from the crutches exercise. In the confessional, she says she is realizing more and more that she is avoiding doing the one thing she must do--break-up with Mr. Internet.
Lisa N. is sitting at the computer crying her heart out. In the confessional, she says she just sent an email to Mr. Internet telling him she didn't want to see him anymore. She says he could never have given her what she wanted. Then Lisa calls her mom and tells her about the crutches exercise. She tells her that she broke it off with Mr. Internet. Her mom asks why and Lisa tells her that Mr. Internet is not what she wanted. She wanted someone who could make a commitment, and he just wanted a toy. In the confessional, Lisa says that her mom is surprised that she broke it off with Mr. Internet. She says her mom wanted her to work it out with him so that Lisa would have someone to take care of her. On the phone, her mom says that if Lisa can face being in the house, she can face anything. She says she thought Lisa would have walked out. In the confessional, Lisa says her mom now knows that she is serious.
Kim writes a note for the other housemates. She writes that she doesn't want them to put her laundry in the dryer.
Lisa N. is crying and asks Lisa A. to get a box for her. Lisa A. does so, and then Lisa N. tells her to throw the box away--it has a photo of Mr. Internet in it. Then Lisa N. lies in the bed sobbing and gagging. Lisa A. says it was difficult to throw the box away because she knows how much it hurt Lisa N. to let go of it.
Rhonda and Christie meet again. Christie says she realizes that no matter what she does (surgery, etc.), it won't help unless she heals the wounds inside her. Rhonda asks Christie about her past addictive behaviors. Christie says she used alcohol, prescription pain pill and food. She says the food was the easiest to abuse because she could still be productive. Rhonda tells her to continue wearing the bandages until the end of the day, and to go talk with Jill. She says Christie and Jill have a lot in common with their weight issues.
Kim discusses laundry with Jodi and Lisa N. Lisa feels like there's too much chat about the laundry and that it shouldn't be such a big issue. Jodi says she feels the tension in the house now, although at first it wasn't obvious. She says she wants to fit in with the women, but she doesn't want to lose herself.
Lisa A. and Lisa N. are in the bedroom. Lisa N. takes the sheets, pillows, etc., off Lisa A.'s bed and tells her she has to make it again. Lisa A. does it. In the confessional, Iyanla says that it appears Lisa A. will not stand up for herself no matter what. After Lisa A. finishes making the bed, Lisa N. pulls down the covers and says she is going to take a nap. She says that after she is done, Lisa A. will have to make the bed again. In the confessional, Lisa N. says she hates torturing Lisa A., but thinks it will ultimately help her. Still, she is starting to notice that Lisa A. is getting angry. Lisa N. lies in the bed and Lisa A. lies in the other bed. Lisa A. is crying and says she feels angry. She says she needs to break apart the shell of fear she is living within. Later Christie goes looking for Lisa A., and gives her more instructions about changing her clothes and taking a shower. Lisa is still following instructions.
Christie approaches Jill to talk about weight issues. She is reluctant at first because she doesn't know how Jill will react to bringing up the subject of weight. They sit in the living room and talk. Jill says she was always the "fat girl" with the pretty face. Christie says she was always told that too. Christie says that once she lost the weight, she thought everything would be okay, but it wasn't. Jill says she thought as soon as she came to the house, she would immediately be fixed, but it doesn't work that way. She says in the house she was able to realize that she is a woman with weight that needs to be released, but that "fat" is not who she is. Christie says that the gastric bypass was a band-aid. She says she has a distorted self-image and still feels fat inside. Then Christie takes off her bandages.
Lisa A.'s son, Daniel, calls. She tells him she is having a difficult day and says she has been depending on others too much. Daniel says the exercises in the house will only make her stronger. He says for a long time she was looking down a long dark tunnel, with no light at the end. Now there is light. In the confessional, Lisa says she realizes that she doesn't have to be perfect, and that it is okay to speak up.
Lisa N. tells Christie about breaking it off with Mr. Internet. She says when he gets the email he will probably laugh. Lisa says Mr. Internet only wanted sex and dinner, and that it was a very sick relationship. Christie tells Lisa she must have changed a lot since being in the house because it doesn't seem like she would accept a man treating her that way. Lisa says she has, but that when she first got there she would have done anything for Mr. Internet.
Lisa N. tells Jill she received a response from Mr. Internet. He wrote that he "advised" her for over a year to move on. He tells her to "have fun". Lisa doesn't seem too upset with the reply. She says she doesn't have an impulse to write him back. Jill thinks the whole thing is troublesome and thinks Lisa is lying when she says she doesn't want to write him back. She tells Lisa that if she does write him back, she is a masochist.
All the women go outside and gather at the fireplace. They are roasting marshmallows and talking. Jill says she asked the universe for a positive person to come into the house, and the universe answered her prayers by bringing Jodi. They talk about intimacy. Jill says intimacy means you can tell someone anything, and get past fears of hurting their feelings. Jodi says she is fortunate because she has a few relationships like that. Jill says she has many now, and she counts the women sitting around her, but apparently leaves out Kim. That makes Kim angry, and she says in confessional that she will have a lot more time to spend with the other women than Jill will.
Kim's husband, Jeff, calls and they talk about him and their son, Jacks, visiting tomorrow. Kim says she is not feeling any love/compassion in the house, and is going to soak it all up from Jeff and Jacks tomorrow.
Jill and Lisa N. are in the kitchen talking about Mr. Internet. Lisa says she will never contact him again, but Jill says never say never. She says that will get you into trouble, and that it has gotten her into trouble in the past. In the confessional, Jill says if Lisa contacts Mr. Internet again, she'll get "put out of the house."
Preview: Lisa N. breaks the rules again. Kim's marriage comes under fire. Christie confronts her past head-on.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Jodi's Story
Before I get started, just a reminder: There is a chat tonight at 8PM EST. If you would like to participate click here, which will take you to the chat room. You can use any username you like to enter the chat room, and you don't have to be a member to join in. Everybody always has a great time at these chats and all are welcome!
The show starts with the women waking up and getting ready for their day. In the confessional, Lisa A. says she feels tension in the house. She is wearing the outfit that people on the street picked out for her to wear yesterday. She says she is anxious to meet the new housemate who will be arriving today.
The new housemate, Jodi, is in the limo on the way to the house. She is "scared to death" and has no idea what to expect. She says she is ultra-independent and that it leaves no room for a partner in her life. She is coming to the house to be a better person. She arrives at the house and meets all the women. She tells them she is from Atlanta, and Jill tells her she lives in Miami. They talk a little and seem to hit it off right away. In the confessional, Jodi says she instantly bonded with Jill. Jill says she liked Jodi right away too.
Iyanla and Rhonda arrive and the women meet for group. Iyanla jumps right in with Jodi's story, and they put a photo up on the plasma. It is of Jodi, her mom, and her dad. Jodi says it was taken before her parents got divorced. She was six years old when the divorce happened. Next they show a photo of Jodi and her mom when Jodi was 16. Iyanla asks her how her relationship is with her mom, and Jodi says it is wonderful. She says they have an honest, respectful relationship and are best friends, but that they had to work on the relationship to get it to that point. Iyanla asks her what the relationship with her mom was like before they worked on it, and Jodi says it was "good". Iyanla says she can smell a lie. She asks her again how it was, and Jodi says it "was never bad". She says, however, that she has always struggled with the relationship she has with her dad. She says she went to live with her dad for a while after the divorce, but that she has blocked most of that out. She says nothing terrible happened, she just blocked it out. Iyanla says we block things out because they were terrible, and asks Jodi how she knows nothing terrible happened if she can't remember living there. Jodi says she wouldn't know. In the confessional, Iyanla says Jodi dresses things up and tries to make them pretty. Next they show a photo of Jodi's mom, step dad and Jodi together on vacation. Iyanla asks how her relationship with her step dad is, and Jodi says it is good. Iyanla then says she doesn't know who Jodi really is, or why she is at the house. She asks Jodi who she is, and Jodi says she is an independent and successful in business. She says she is at the house because she has trouble with intimacy with men and with connecting. Then she talks a little more about her success in business. Iyanla says Jodi is 38 years old, never married, and has no children. She wants to know why Jodi has not mentioned any of that while telling her story. Jodi says she was going to get to that, and Iyanla asks her when. Jodi says "today", but Iyanla says they should get to it right now. In the confessional, Iyanla says it's interesting that Jodi is sitting with half her back to her... She tells Jodi to tell her something that she is afraid of anyone knowing about her. Jodi starts crying. Iyanla tells her that business success won't heal Jodi and that if she doesn't start telling the truth, she is dishonoring the other five women sitting there with her, and also dishonoring the thousands of women who could relate to her story. She tells Jodi that if she is not willing to participate, she shouldn't even unpack her bags.
Then Iyanla asks Jodi what happened to her as a little girl. Jodi says that when her parents divorced, she became the "protector". She said she felt she had to protect her mom from the awful things her dad said about her. Iyanla asks her how she protected her mom, and Jodi says she did it by not having a relationship with her dad, and by believing that her mom could do no wrong. She says that her mom got involved with drugs, and she would come home from school and her mom would be passed out. Christie identifies with Jodi's story about her mom, and starts crying. Jodi says that it took about five years for her mom to get "straightened out", and get off drugs. After that, they moved to Florida together. She also talks about having a sister--her sister wanted to stay with her dad, and Jodi went with her mom. Next they show a photo of Jodi at the Grand Canyon. Jodi says it was taken 7-8 years ago. Jodi looks thinner in that photo, and Iyanla asks her about her weight and when she was going to mention it. Jodi says she feels heavy, too round and pudgy. She says it makes her feel unlovable. Rhonda asks her about men, and Jodi says she has had "numerous relations" with men, and one relationship. Then Jodi says that she terminated a pregnancy when she was 30. She was seeing several different men, and didn't know who the father was. She had an abortion because she wasn't in a place in her life where she could take care of a child. Jill starts crying and says that Jodi's unhappiness reminds her of herself. She says she walked around telling everybody everything was great, when really she was falling apart. She tells Jodi she doesn't have to be someone she isn't; she just has to be herself. In the confessional, Iyanla says Jodi landed right in the middle of Jill's heart. Jill then apologizes to Jodi for interrupting her story and taking her moment away from her. Next they show Jodi's self-portrait. It is a big sun that has a big frown. Iyanla asks the significance, and Jodi says she is all sunny on the outside, but she feels terrible on the inside. Jodi starts crying about the realization of how she feels. Kim says that Jodi is like herself--that she is wearing a mask too. Then Kim and Jill exchange a few word (ED: this part is confusing), and get angry with each other. Kim says she feels Jill is not "invested" in her. Jill says she is. The attention turns back to Jodi. Iyanla tells her she will be her primary life coach, and she reveals Jodi's goal: Fill The Empty Cup. Then Iyanla hands cards out to everyone except Lisa A. The cards each have a task that each woman has to ask Lisa A. to do. Iyanla says all Lisa has to do is say no if she doesn't want to do it. Lisa doesn't know what is on the cards... Group is adjourned.
Jill reads her card, and then goes and asks Lisa A. to unload the dishwasher. Lisa does it immediately. In confessional, Jill says she is surprised at how Lisa follows orders--like a child.
Christie and Kim are outside talking about Jodi's experience in group. Kim says there was a lot of her story that didn't come out. Christie says that is true of her too, and mentions abortion. Kim says that she would have had a child that was 20 now. (ED: although not clear, the conversation seems to imply that both women MAY have had an abortion in the past).
Iyanla and Jodi meet outside. Jodi says so far she is overwhelmed by the experience in the house. Iyanla says she wants to get to know Jodi on the inside; not the exterior parts of her. Jodi tells Iyanla that she is a "do it yourself" kind of girl and is very independent. Iyanla tells Jodi that she will always tell her the truth. She says sometimes Jodi might think something Iyanla says is totally crazy, but that is when she has to trust her.
Jill leaves to go to a doctor's appointment. She says she is happy to get away from the house.
Iyanla and Jodi are still outside. Iyanla has set a blanket on the ground and a mirror in front of it. She asks Jodi to sit on the blanket and look herself in the eye in the mirror. Jodi says she doesn't like mirrors, and doesn't like what she sees. She says she sees fear. Iyanla writes that on the mirror. Iyanla tells Jodi to sit looking at herself in the mirror and write on it the things she sees about herself. She says she will come back to get her later.
Lisa A. says she feels a lot of tension about everybody having those cards. Just then, Lisa N. comes in and tells Lisa A. that she needs to go take a shower. Lisa does it, but in the confessional, she says she is starting to feel angry.
Kim calls her husband Jeff and talks about Jill. She says she always has to approach Jill, and it's never the other way around. (ED: Jeff seems supportive of Kim.)
Jill arrives at Dr. Konialian's office. He is going to check and see if her fibroid has grown or shrunk. Jill hopes there is nothing else wrong with her because she just couldn't handle "anymore on her plate" right now.
Jodi is sitting looking at herself in the mirror. She has written words on the mirror--fearful, angry, unlovable, etc. Iyanla comes back and asks Jodi to tell her about 6-year old Jodi. Jodi says she had an unstable life and was very confused and alone. Then Iyanla tells her to describe 16 year old Jodi. Jodi says she was looking for love in "all the wrong places", and that she lost her virginity at 16. Iyanla asks Jodi to describe "empty Jodi". Jodi says the emptiness is in her heart. She says she needs help trusting and loving herself. Iyanla tells her to look in the mirror and say "help me!" Jodie does so and starts crying. Iyanla hugs her and tells her that she doesn't have to do it by herself this time. Then they go to sit at the picnic table to go over Jodi's steps. Step 1 is Look in the mirror of self. Step 2 is Peel away the mask. Step 3 is Connect and Receive. Step 4 is Get Moving! In the confessional, Jodi says she has resisted making changes in her life for a long time, but she can already feel herself letting go of some of that resistance.
Jill is at Dr. Konialian's office and after the exam, he tells her that there has been no change in the fibroid. Jill is relieved that it hasn't grown. He says he wants to see her again in 2 months.
Jodi reads the card Iyanla gave her and goes to find Lisa A. She tells Lisa to go outside with her, and then tells her that she wants her to climb a tree! Lisa does it. Then Jodi tells her to start counting, and she will come back and get her. In the confessional, Lisa A. says it is very hard for her to express her feelings. She knows she can say no to the things being asked of her, but she fears that if she does, the women will talk about her.
Lisa A. is still in the tree, counting. Jodi comes back and tells her that the card says she can ask Lisa to stay in the tree as long as she deems appropriate. Jodi says she thinks Lisa has been in the tree long enough and Lisa climbs down.
Jill comes back from the doctor's office. She feels really bad that her old housemates are gone now, and she says it is really affecting her.
Kim tells Lisa A. that she has to go take another shower (ED: that must be what Kim's card said). Lisa doesn't want to do it, but she does. After Lisa goes to take her shower, Christie and Kim talk in the kitchen. Christie says she has been told that she talks too much and is too long-winded, so she and Kim are similar. Kim is suspicious of that, and tells Christie that it's "interesting" that Christie is saying that when Christie told her she (Kim) talked too much. Kim thinks Christie is just saying that she's been told that too. She feels that Christie is really just criticizing her. Christie is frustrated with Kim and tells her she doesn't listen...
Lisa A. is finished with her shower, and seems upset. She says she doesn't want to show her housemates her anger, but she is getting more and more upset at what they're telling her to do.
Jill calls Starting Over graduate, Jessica, and tells her she feels bad. She says it's hard to live around Kim because her issues with her mom are resurfacing. Jessica offers her sympathy, and says it sounds like Jill feels very alone. Jill starts crying.
Preview: Lisa A. is pushed over the edge. Christie opens up. And Lisa N.' relationship with Mr. Internet take a new turn.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Christina Graduates
The show starts with Jill saying that nothing has changed since the house meeting yesterday. She says she said all she wanted to say to Kim, and she just can't focus on her anymore. In the confessional, Kim says she thinks yesterday was "beat up on Kim" day.
Iyanla arrives for group and calls Christina up to sit next to her. Christina talks about her graduation today, and says it's the first time she has graduated from anything. Iyanla opens the plasma and goes over Christina's completed steps. Christina says that before the Starting Over house, she would have given up halfway through the steps and moved onto something else. Then they put up Christina's old self-portrait. Iyanla comments that the flower petals were half broken, but the stem in the self-portrait is strong. Then they show Christina's new self-portrait. She has drawn herself in the middle with all the tools she has gained in the house surrounding her. Iyanla then asks the other women about the changes they have seen in Christina. Jill says she always admired Christina for never settling for less, and she greatly admires that about her. Christie says she wishes she would have gotten to spend more time with Christina. Lisa N. says that she and Christina connected on a superficial level immediately, but over time she has seen Christina's inner strength, and is happy to have seen Christina turn that energy into something positive. She says that energy is a "force of nature".
Iyanla then asks Christina to get out all the money she made to get her photos off the internet. Christina counts it up--she has about $200. Iyanla says that Christina even sold some of her own belongings to make the money, and that shows her level of commitment. She then tells Christina that there has been negotiations regarding her internet photos, and she has earned enough money to get them back. Christina starts crying and hugs Iyanla. Then Iyanla announces that as part of the Starting Over tradition, Christina will get a make-over today by Andy Paige. Andy comes in and Christina is very excited. Iyanla tells Andy that Christina has become a "woman of honor", and that this should be reflected in the make-over. Andy agrees and talks a little about clothes, etc. She tells Christina she is going to turn her into a "magnificent princess". Group is adjourned.
Lisa A. and Christie talk about Kim in the living room. Lisa says she wants people to correct her when she is doing something wrong, but that Kim does not want that. Christie remarks that Kim cannot accept correction. Lisa agrees. Christie says Kim needs to learn communication skills.
Lisa N. and Rhonda meet to talk about the jail exercise. Lisa says she knew intellectually that what she was doing with Mr. Internet was wrong, but she couldn't stop. She says emailing him was like shooting heroin for her, and not only that she also called him. She says when she saw the jail that day; she knew she had been busted.
Christina and Andy go clothes shopping at Indexx. Andy wants to get Christina a "power suit", and Christina tries on a black, tailored outfit.
Iyanla and Lisa A. meet. Iyanla asks Lisa why she is here, and Lisa she it is to heal. Iyanla asks her what she is there to heal from, and Lisa says she feels ashamed about hurting herself and also feels embarrassed. Iyanla asks her to define "embarrassed", and Lisa says she means she is not proud of things she has done in the past. She says she has to tell Iyanla something, but it isn't easy to say. Iyanla tells her that nothing she could say would make her stop loving her. She says that at one time she sat in the same spot Lisa is in now--she sat in shame, guilt, embarrassment, and that the only way out was to tell the truth. Lisa tells her that she had an abortion right before she got married. She says she did it because she didn't want to embarrass her family. She was getting married a month later, and didn't want it to already be pregnant when she got married. Iyanla asks how old she was. Lisa says she was 19. She says that nobody ever knew except her husband, and she also later told her daughter. She says she wanted everything to be "perfect" when she got married, and that's why she did it. She says she never forgave herself for it. Iyanla says then that Lisa is also at the house to eliminate grief. She says that because Lisa has secretly carried around this guilt, she has developed a habit of never taking responsibility for herself or her choices. She has an assignment for Lisa. She has 4 bags, each with clothing inside and one empty bag. Lisa is to go approach people, take out two pieces of clothing from one of the bags, and ask them to choose which piece is better for her. Once they've made the decision, she is to put the piece they chose into the empty bag.
Lisa N. and Rhonda continue their talk. Rhonda gets out a pair of crutches and reminds Lisa that one of her steps is to walk without crutches. She wants Lisa to write down on pieces of paper the things she holds onto that are crutches in her life. She writes down Mr. Internet, and also her parents. She says she sees her parents as a "fall back plan". Then Lisa attaches each piece of paper to the crutches. Rhonda says she Lisa is going to be using these crutches to walk around, but she does have an opportunity to rid herself of them. She has 48 hours to get rid of all her crutches.
Lisa A. goes on her assignment on the street. She asks people to choose which piece of clothing is better for her. They do so, and she puts their choice in the empty bag.
Christina and Andy go to Chop Chop, a hair boutique. Christina has her hair colored and styled. They do not show what it looks like, but Andy says this makeover is going to be the best Starting Over makeover ever.
Iyanla and Lisa A. meet to discuss the choice exercise Lisa has now completed. She shows Iyanla the clothing the people on the street chose for her. Iyanla then tells Lisa that starting tomorrow, she is going to wear that outfit. Lisa doesn't like the idea, but says she will do it.
The women all get ready for Christina's graduation. Andy and Christina arrive back at the house, and Andy helps her put on her make-up. Starting Over graduate, Jessica, also arrives for the graduation. Iyanla, Rhonda and Dr. Stan also arrive and everybody goes outside by the pool to await Christina's entrance.
Christina walks down the stairs and everybody stands up and claps for her. She is wearing a black pants suit and her hair is cute and quite different (a lot shorter). She takes her seat, and Iyanla goes up to the podium.
Iyanla says that the only thing her mom left her was a set of old bone china. She said she thought the set was ugly and threw it away, except for one plate from the set. Years later she found that plate, and was holding it to her chest, embracing it, when it slipped from her grasp and broke. She says Christina is like that plate of fine china. She showed up at the house as fine china that was broken and cracked in many places. She says they couldn't fathom the life Christina had led previously--escorting and stripping. The flashback to when Christina first told her story. They flashback to various exercises in which Christina "hustled" people for money. Iyanla then says that they all loved her enough to let her know that there was no easy way out, and they loved her enough not to let her hustle them. They flashback to when Iyanla tells Christina that she knows she has been hustling her. Iyanla then mentions the "infamous BoR", in which Iyanla told Christina that she didn't think she could believe a word that came out of her mouth. Then there is another flashback of when Christina was sitting in Iyanla's lap telling her that she didn't think she deserved to be there. Iyanla then says that Christina came to the house to start a new life, and to work to establish values. She says the rock garden exercise (they flashback to it), was a very important exercise. She says she knew Christina was going to make it when she did the three personalities exercise with Dr. Stan, and then tore those personalities down and created a beautiful flower from the remnants (another flashback). Iyanla says every tear Christina shed and every dishonorable thing she ever did eventually brought her to the realization of how valuable and worthy she truly is. They do a flashback to when Christina looked in the mirror and apologized to herself. Iyanla then gives her her blessings and says she hopes Christina will grow in her mastery of her value and worth. She congratulates Christina and they hug.
Rhonda goes up to the podium next. She says her hope for Christina is that she truly knows the mother she is, and that she embraces the mother she has. She says she hopes Christina stands for a new kind of mom--one who does and says the hard things in order to benefit herself and her son. She and Christina hug.
Dr. Stan is next up at the podium. He says in some ways Christina had it all. She had the looks, the money, and the men, but she didn't have her self-respect. He says that the same challenges she has had in the past will come knocking again. Some men will be titillated by Christina's past, and it will be a challenge for her to stay away from old patterns. He says his hope for her is that she meets a man of honor. This man will not be ashamed of Christina's past, will acknowledge the courage it took her to change, and embrace the woman she is now. He and Christina hug.
Jill goes up to the podium next. She says it took a long time for her and Christina to bond. She says there was no animosity between them; it just took a while for them go "gel". Now she says she loves her so much, and wishes nothing but the best for her.
Rhonda, Iyanla and Christina go up to the podium together, and Rhonda reads Christina's gifts. They give her real estate classes, art classes, and a trip to New York to go on a shopping spree with Andy Paige. Christina is very excited and grateful. Then Iyanla presents Christina with the statue, which reads: Woman of Honor - Starting Over 2005. Christina is then standing at the podium and turns to see her mom and Jackson walking up. She is very happy and surprised to see them. Jackson has something in his hand, and Iyanla tells Christina to open it and read it. It's Christina's GED certificate from the state of California. Christina is obviously very happy to learn she has passed the GED.
Christina stands at the podium--her mom and Jackson are now sitting with everyone else. Christina says that she was asked many times what her rock bottom was, and she never could answer. She finally realized that her rock bottom was when she entered the Starting Over house. She says once she realized that, she began to transform. She then thanks her mom and says she doesn't know what she would do without her.
Then everybody goes inside, and Iyanla leaves Christina out by the pool for a moment of reflection. Christina says she has realized that you don't have to be special to make changes in your life--you just need yourself.
The housemates are lined up by the front door to see Christina off. She hugs them and says goodbye. She gets in the limo and leaves. Jill then stands outside alone. She says Christina was her last piece of the support system she had in the house. She says Lisa N. is a basket case, and she feels like she is all by herself now.
Preview: The newest roommate is in for a rude awakening. Kim learns how everyone really feels, and Jill must confront a major health crisis.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Somebody Is Going To Graduate
The episode begins with Christina and Jackson spending some time together. Christina says she has really enjoyed her time with Jackson and cherishes every moment of it. Meanwhile the other women are in the kitchen preparing breakfast. In the confessional, Kim says she feels frustrated with the tension in the house. She says she is trying to please everybody. In the confessional, Jill says she thinks it is time for a house meeting and thinks they should all sit down and talk. Christie says she can sense the tension surrounding Kim, but doesn't want to involve herself in the drama.
Iyanla arrives and the women meet for group. Iyanla has a bag with sewing patterns in it. She gives each woman a piece of the pattern and a pair of scissors to cut out her section of the pattern. She wants the women to understand the patterns in their lives--patterns that have been passed down generation after generation. The women cut out their pattern, and Iyanla asks them about the patterns in their families. Kim says in her family the pattern is not to talk about feelings. She says she took a lot of "crap", and always hid her emotions about it. Iyanla says that Kim's inability to communicate how she feels is causing tension in the house. Iyanla then asks Christie about her family patterns, but Christie has a difficult time answering the question at first. Iyanla says there is a pattern of drug abuse in Christie's family, as well as a pattern of broken marriages. Christie says she tries very hard not to be like her mom. She says her mom is selfish and never follows through on anything. Iyanla tells the women that in order to break a pattern, we have to have new instructions. Jill says she realizes that she has changed/broken patterns for other people in her life, but never did it for herself. She asks Iyanla how she gets rid of old patterns. Iyanla says she has to use the tools she has gained in the house. She also says that when we create a new pattern, we break an old one. She tells the women that a "new garment" requires a new pattern. Group is adjourned.
The housemates gather in the living room for the long-awaited house meeting Jill has been talking about having. Jill starts off by saying that she now feels uncomfortable in the house, and she wants to make this house feel like a home again. Christina says that she feels there is now emotional dishonesty in the house and also a level of distrust since the new women have arrived. Jill says that when the original six entered the house, they would all eat dinner together, and someone would volunteer to clean up afterwards. She says the rhythm was broken when Kim said she didn't want to clean the kitchen after a dinner they had. Kim responds by saying she initially connected with TJ, and that TJ told her not to do anything that she didn't want to do. Jill interrupts Kim, and says that Kim's conversations go on too long and are therefore too hard to follow. In the confessional, Kim says she immediately starts to feel attacked and became defensive during the meeting. Kim tells the women that she felt from day one that she couldn't connect with them. Christina tells Kim that she created that situation for herself. Kim sort of talks over her, so Christina repeats what she said--that Kim created it her present situation. Kim says she probably did. Kim tells the women that she is feeling attacked. Christie asks Kim how they can approach her with issues without Kim feeling attacked, and tells her she doesn't want to shut down on Kim--she wants to communicate with her, but doesn't know how. Jill says there's too much "conflama" to deal with when confronting Kim. Kim says she will "shut up", but Jill says she doesn't want her to shut up. In the confessional, Jill says she realizes there is no reaching Kim right now, and she is going to back off from the whole situation. Lisa N. says she wants to end the meeting with a quote. She says "We don't see things the way they are... We see things the way we are". Kim doesn't look very happy. The meeting is over.
Christie calls her friend Darilynne and tells her that being in the house is scary. She says she got "reamed" yesterday (her first day), and that her feelings were hurt over it. She also tells her friend that her roommate, Kim, is difficult and they are all struggling to deal with her.
Iyanla, Christina and Deborah (Christina's mom), meet outside for a hand washing ceremony. Iyanla has set up a bowl of water with rose petals in it. She asks Christina and Deborah to wash each other's hands and "wash away" the past. Deborah washes Christina's hands and says she now washes away her expectations for Christina and her fear that Christina will make bad choices. Christina then washes her mom's hands and says she washes away the anger she had for her mom and the expectations she placed on her. Iyanla then tells Christina to go get her son, Jackson.
Christina comes back with Jackson, and Iyanla has set another bowl of water out, this time with a sunflower in it. She wants Christina and Deborah to wash Jackson's hands with a "hope for the future". Christina washes her son's hands and says she hopes for Jackson that he will get all the skills he needs from her and Deborah. She says she hopes he will grow to see her one day as not just a mommy, but as a person too. Deborah also washes Jackson's hands, and in the confessional she said it was a very touching tribute, and she hopes it will wipe the slate clean and be a new start for all of them. Iyanla then says she hopes their family will grow as a unit, and will always stay open.
Kim opens the front door to find a bag with a note attached from Rhonda to her. The note says Kim is going to have a special guest come today to support Kim. Inside the bag are clothes for Kim to wear. Kim goes to put on the clothes.
Christina says goodbye to Jackson and her mom. She says it was good to be able to refocus on her family and what they mean to her.
Iyanla and Jill meet to talk about Jill's upcoming "trial". Iyanla wants Jill to present her case to her. Jill stands up and starts. She speaks about the house transforming her, but Iyanla makes a face, and Jill asks her if the presentation is boring. Iyanla says it is, and that she wants to hear from Jill how the she was transformed, and what she did to make that transformation happen. She tells Jill to "take a breath" and start again. She tells her to remember she is in the fight of her life.
The special guest for Kim arrives. His name is Jeff and he is a make-up artist. Kim is nervous and doesn't know what to expect. They go in the bathroom to do Kim's make-up. Jeff asks Kim to tell him why she is there, and to be as specific as possible. Kim tells him that she had a very abusive childhood, and her father treated her like an object, rather than a daughter. She says he pulled at her, smacked her, and hit her with a big black belt. Jeff says the make-up he is going to put on her today is to help bring out the feelings about her childhood so she can "see" it on her face. He gets to work and says that Kim told him her father broke a blood vessel in her eye one time. He tries to recreate with the make-up the way Kim's father abused her. He asks her, "Who is Kim?" Kim says she is being more introspective than she has ever been, and that she is trying to face the ugly things inside her so that she can change them.
Christina is lying on the couch, depressed that her son and mom have left. Lisa N. comforts her. Lisa tells her she has a feeling this will turn out to be a very good day for Christina...
Iyanla and Jill are still working on Jill's presentation for her trial. Iyanla tells Jill she will have to convince the judge that she has rectified things in her life. Jill starts talking about her cupcake experience in the store. She says she saw the cupcake sitting there on the counter, and wanted to eat it so badly. She says she had a 20 minute conversation with that cupcake about why she wanted to eat it, and why she shouldn't eat it. She begins crying and says she realized then that she had to stand up for herself, even when nobody was watching, and when nobody else cared. She says she realized she was worthy and she walked away from the cupcake. She says the cupcake story illustrates that she is committed to herself and to living her life for herself. Then she and Iyanla sit down, and Iyanla tells her that Jill needs a new "frame" for herself. She gives her a gift certificate to go pick out new eyeglass frames. Jill is very happy with the gift.
The make-up artist, Jeff, finishes painting bruises on Kim's face. He asks her if she's ready to look at herself, and although she's hesitant, she looks in the mirror at her "bruised and battered" face. She goes to show her housemates. Christina immediately hugs her when she sees her, and Christie tells Kim that she is a survivor. Kim says she doesn't want to be a survivor anymore. She wants to see the abuse for what it was, and put it in the past. In the confessional, Christie says that Kim is a beautiful woman, and it breaks her heart to think someone abused her like that.
Jill tells Lisa N. about her meeting with Iyanla, and about the gift certificate. Lisa goes with Jill to get the new frames. They drive to the optometrist together, and Jill tries on many different eyeglass frames. She finally finds the pair she wants (ED: they're very nice).
Kim meets with Dr. Stan. The "bruises" are still painted on her face. Stan says that many people who were abused as children have trouble expressing their feelings. He asks Kim how she feels about the make-up exercise. She says she thought she would be more freaked out by it, but she wasn't. She says it feels good to expose how she always feels on the inside. Stan asks her if she knows what the abuse did to her emotionally. Kim says it made it hard for her to confront people. Stan tells her it is more than that. He says that perhaps she is afraid that if she confronts someone, she will have so much rage, she won't be able to control it. He asks her what she sees when she looks in the mirror with the painted on bruises. She says she sees herself. He asks her if it is her now, and she says it is her, but she usually just has a mask on so nobody else sees the bruises. She says they are always inside her. Stan tells her that no child ever deserves to be abused, and that she will have to learn to assert herself now and be strong.
Iyanla arrives and says she has a surprise assignment for the house. She has a lai, and says she wants the housemates to decorate the pool area with lais, etc., because tomorrow Christina is going to graduate! All of Christina's housemates clap and cheer for her. Christina says she is in shock. Iyanla tells Christina that she should go work on her new self-portrait while her housemates decorate for the party they are going to have this evening to celebrate.
The women prepare for the party, and Christina says she is excited to leave, but also sad. Then Deborah and Jackson arrive to surprise Christina. She is so happy to see them! Jackson gives Christina a little bear that is wearing a graduation hat. Next, Karrine Steffans arrives to join in Christina's graduation party. Christina introduces Karrine to her son and her mom.
The women are now all outside and they sit down to eat. Gretchen Raff, Christina's GED tutor is also there for the party. After they eat, fire dancers appear and put on a very cool show for the women. Christina is very happy that everybody showed up for her graduation party. She says this is the first time she has ever graduated from anything. After the party, Christina says goodbye to her guests.
Kim is in her bedroom later, getting ready for bed. She says she can't speak up about the tension in the house, and feels it is better not to say anything at all about it. Jill is also getting ready for bed in her room. She says she is anticipating the new housemate’s arrival, and she hopes she is a positive person who is ready to change. She says if she is like Kim, she is going to "jump out the window".
Preview: Lisa A. reveals a devastating secret. Christina gets a new look before saying goodbye. And Lisa N's next assignment determines her future in the house.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Chats and Previews
We now have two permanent live chat times! There is a 1PM EST chat on Mondays and an 8PM EST chat on Wednesdays. If you would like to participate click here, which will take you to the chat room. You can use any username you like to enter the chat room, and you don't have to be a member to join in. Everybody always has a great time at these chats and all are welcome!
According to Reality Reel mini-spoilers for this week, someone is going to graduate and a new housemates named Jodi will arrive on Wednesday. Cybergrrrl has also posted some interesting spoilers in the forums. It seems Della Reese will be a guest on the show for Jill's upcoming trial, and Kim and Christie will be making significant progress in the coming days. A lot of changes are happening in the house!
Friday, January 20, 2006
Lisa and Chris...Sitting In A Tree
The show starts with Christie noticing that the trash can in the kitchen is smoking. She looks inside and finds that Kim dumped an ashtray in there with a lit cigarette, and a napkin in the trash has started to catch on fire. She quickly puts it out. Jill remarks that Kim is “now trying to kill us".
Lisa N. is still in jail. Rhonda is outside talking with her and telling her that the key has been hidden in the jail cell the whole time. She says that Lisa could have gotten herself out at any time. At first Lisa just sits there and doesn't look for the key, and Rhonda asks her why she is not looking for it. Finally Lisa starts looking around the jail for it. She first finds a key labeled "true love" hanging from a tree branch near the jail, but it is not the right key. Rhonda tells her that true love will not get her out of the jail. She tells Lisa over and over again, "freedom is in the cell". Lisa looks around the jail cell some more and finds another key labeled "freedom". She opens the lock and lets herself out. She is crying, but without tears. Rhonda asks Lisa what she is going to do now, and Lisa says she is going to make different choices in her life. Rhonda mentions the date Lisa has with Chris this evening, and Lisa says she is going to choose to go on that date. She says she doesn't want to settle for so little anymore, and Rhonda tells her she has settled for so little because she thinks she is worth so little. In the confessional, Lisa says she is angry with herself for acting so desperately and for chasing Mr. Internet.
Iyanla, Christina and Deborah meet. Iyanla tells Deborah that Christina has to tell her about who she was and what she used to do. Christina tells her mom she was dishonest, manipulate, a stripper and an escort. She tells her mom she felt she had to be an escort in order to survive in Las Vegas. Deborah handles the news pretty well, but is crying. Iyanla mentions that Christina was very hurt by her father, who didn't come and "save her" in Las Vegas, and also called his daughter a slut. Christina tells her mom that after she got married and left home, she felt like an outcast. Deborah tells her that she will always be proud of her for being such a survivor. Christina says she doesn't want to just survive anymore--she wants to live. Deborah is crying and tells Christina that she never has to be worried about being ashamed of her past. She says they can leave all that behind them now.
Dr. Stan and Christie meet for the first time. Stan asks her why she is here, and she says she is there to learn to love herself. She talks about her weight loss surgery. He asks about her history of dieting, etc., and she says she has been on a diet since she was 8 years old. She says after she lost all the weight after the gastric bypass, she felt awesome, but she also felt like a "fat girl trapped in a thin girl's body". Then she tells Dr. Stan about the plastic surgery to remove the extra skin, and shows him the scars. She says she was devastated by it and would lie in bed at night having panic attacks about it. She tells Stan that if she doesn't get all the feelings under control, she feels she will lose it.
Iyanla, Christina and Deborah are still talking. Deborah says she wants Christina to come back home to North Carolina after she graduates. She wants Christina to take over as the mother of Jackson, and she wants to be the grandmother again. Then Christina tells her mom she wants to move to Los Angeles, and doesn't want her to worry that she will make the mistakes she has made in her past again. Deborah isn't that thrilled with the idea, but seems accepting of it. They end with a group hug.
Dr. Stan and Christie are still talking. Christie says she self-medicated a lot. Stan asks with what, and she says with food, alcohol and drugs. She tells him she is afraid of failing in the house. Stan tells her that they encourage failure on the way to success.
Jill talks with Lisa A. about Lisa N. She says Lisa said she was going to give up Mr. Internet after she left the jail, but she is suspicious because Lisa has followed him around like a puppy for so long.
Deborah is in the confessional, and she says she doesn't think Christina understands how much she and Jackson have bonded since Christina left him with her to be in the house 2 months ago.
Lisa N.'s date, Chris arrives. He brings with him a portfolio of his artwork. Lisa says he was commissioned to do the artwork for a poetry book. He decides to leave the portfolio at the house while they go on their date. The two then walk outside and Lisa shows him the jail cell she was in today. She tells him that she chose to go on the date with him, rather than stay stuck in the past. They leave to go to a restaurant for dinner.
Kim and Christie are in their bedroom talking. Kim says she has such horrible childhood memories. She said it was so bad she would leave her body (disassociate), when her dad was being violent. She says she was the only person not to shed a tear in group when she told her story. Christie decides to give Kim some advice, and tells her that sometimes Kim says something, and then retracts it. In the confessional, Kim says Christie is not making her feel better. She feels attacked by her. Then Christie tells Kim in a nice way that Kim doesn't need to explain every single thing. Kim gets defensive, and Christie asks her not to do that. In the confessional, Christie says she is struggling with Kim. She says Kim does a lot of talking, but is closed down to feedback.
Lisa N. and Chris are in the van on the way to a restaurant. Lisa talks about how if you don't heal the things from your past, they will run your life. Then she tells him that she was sexually abused, and that she couldn't be intimate with men as a result. She says she didn't plan on telling Chris about it, but he makes her "feel safe". He says it is fine that she told him because they are friends.
Rhonda and Christie meet to develop Christie's steps. Rhonda asks Christie how she thinks she compares to the average woman, and Christie says she thinks she is pretty average. She says she is 5'5" and about 150 lbs. Rhonda tells her that the average American woman is 5'4" and weighs 164 lbs. Christie says she doesn't know why that doesn't make her feel any better, but it doesn't. Then they develop Christie's steps. Step 1: Look beyond weight. Step 2: Heal the family legacy. Step 3: Destroy negative belief systems. Step 4: Build New Body Image. Her goal: Learn to love Christie.
Jackson and Christina color and talk. Christina says she took Jackson for granted before, but now she has so much joy from spending time with him.
Jill is talking to SO graduate, Jessica. She tells her about Christie, and then talks about how much she misses TJ. She says she can get along with both Christie and the new Lisa, but she is avoiding Kim. She tells Jessica what Kim said about the new girls taking over the house. Jessica kind of laughs and says things are changing at the Starting Over house!
Lisa N. and Chris arrive at Tempo Cafe and Piano Bar. Chris asks her why she wanted to see him again. She jokes and says she wanted to watch him eat. Then he says he didn't think he was the right type for Lisa, since he is transient and looking for his own place in the world still. Lisa says she is interested in making friends now, but in the past she was using men. She says she had a fear of getting older and was looking for security. Now she wants to meet men who share her value system and are quality people. Chris says he likes how Lisa is trying to change her life. Lisa says she is talking to Chris in a different way than she has ever talked to a man before.
Christina, Deborah and Jackson are sitting together on the couch. Jackson has fallen asleep in Christina's arms. In the confessional, Deborah says she wants Christina to come home to North Carolina to her family and her support system.
Chris and Lisa are still at the restaurant talking. Lisa starts telling him about Mr. Internet. She says that after he left for Europe, she emailed him every day for 9 months, and he never responded. Finally he wrote back and told her he couldn't make her happy, and that she should move on and find love. But right before she left for Starting Over, he contacted her again and asked her to meet him in Monte Carlo after the show. Lisa tells Chris she can't believe she telling him all of these things. Chris says he is happy Lisa feel comfortable enough to share with him. They head back to the house.
Jill and Christie are in the dining room talking. Jill is telling her how her life fell apart, and about how angry she was with her mother. Christie talks a little about her past alcohol problems, and says she used it to numb her feelings. She says she wants to feel them now. In the confessional, Christie says she likes Jill a lot, and that they have the same problem with food.
Kim and Lisa A. are in the bedroom talking about Jill. Kim says that TJ got angry with Jill for the way Jill was acting towards Kim. Lisa A. suggests that Kim just come out and tell Jill that she is angry with her. Kim says she has already done that. She says she doesn't think Jill is a compassionate person, and that she is very compassionate. She says she still talks to her dad, even after what he did to her.
Chris and Lisa arrive back at the house. In the confessional, Lisa says she is trying to keep the seductiveness out of the relationship, but says she does feel a connection to Chris. They have a snack in the kitchen, and Lisa tells Chris she thinks she will be the last to graduate. She tells him that she was lying to herself before, and she couldn't change because she didn't feel her feelings. She says she sought out painful experiences with men in order to "feel something". She says when men were nice, she was bored. They move into the living room where Chris has left his art portfolio. He asks Lisa to go through it and pick out her favorite one. She does so, and he then gives her that piece. She is touched by the gift.
Christie is getting ready for bed. She says she is scared, but that she is going to give it everything she's got.
Jill and Lisa N. are talking about Kim. Jill says Kim and TJ were somewhat alike, but TJ was just trying to protect herself, whereas Kim is manipulative. Lisa says Kim is like TJ and herself put together without the character. Jill says they have to have a group meeting because Kim is making everybody uncomfortable.
Lisa N. is on the internet, and it looks like she might be checking her email, or writing an email. She says she can't completely let go of what could be in regard to Mr. Internet.
Preview for next week: Kim has it out with her housemates. Lisa A. reveals a stunning secret, and the stress is more than she can take. Kim struggles to keep up her tough facade. And Lisa N. may not have been able to keep her promise.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Christie's Story and Lisa Goes To Jail
The show starts with Jill saying she feels like she has a hangover after TJ leaving. She says there is an energy missing in the house. Kim says she hopes the new housemate is as warm and vulnerable as TJ. The new housemate is in the limo driving towards the house. She is anxious and nervous and doesn't know what to expect. Christina, meanwhile, is anxiously awaiting the arrival of her mom and Jackson. She says she couldn't sleep last night because she is so excited about seeing them.
The limo pulls up in front of the house, and the new housemate, Christie, steps out and heads for the front door. She says she will do anything to be happy and to learn to love herself. Christie enters the house and meets all her housemates. In the confessional, Jill says she can tell just by looking at Christie that she has lost a lot of weight. Lisa N. finds Christie to be nice, friendly and kind. Christie says there is a lot to take in, and she is trying to remember everybody's names, etc.
Iyanla and Rhonda arrive and the women meet for group. Each woman formally introduces herself to Christie and states their goal in the house. Then Rhonda says they are going to find out why Christie is here. She opens the plasma and shows a photo of Christie at age 4. She says her parents had separated when she was that age, and she and her older sister went to live with her dad. Her mom was off "doing her own thing". Then at age 5, Christie's dad died in a car accident, and Christie and her sister had to move in with her mom. Her mom is a drug addict who is addicted to "meth". They moved to Las Vegas to be closer to Christie's aunt, and so that her mom could try to clean up her act. But her mom continued to do drugs. At age 12, Christie's next door neighbors took her in because her life was so bad with her drug-addicted mom. Christie's older sister was angry with Christie for leaving, and felt that she was abandoning her. She says that it was a very difficult time because she loves her sister, but had to get away from her mom's drug abuse. Christie's sister took her mom's side. So Christie lived with the neighbors until she was 14, but then they got divorced and Christie went to live with her mom again. At that time, she started doing all sorts of drugs with her mom. Rhonda asks her if she's still doing drugs, and Christie says she isn't. She stopped doing them at 19 or 20 (about 10 years ago). Next they show a photo of Christie when she weighed 267 lbs. She had gastric bypass surgery and lost 131 lbs in 2 years. Next is a photo of Christie after the weight loss, with a lot of loose skin hanging from her arms. She had plastic surgery to remove the loose skin, but it was a "plastic surgery nightmare". He surgeon removed too much skin on one arm, and next they show a photo of Christie holding up her arms after the surgery. You can tell the surgeon did a bad job. Christie says she feels mutilated. Then she says she is sick of hiding, and takes off her jacket to show the women the scars on the insides of both arms. (ED: It's bad, but not as awful as I thought it might be).
Rhonda then asks Christie how she feels on the inside, and Christie says she feels "like crap". They show a photo of Christie, her older sister, and a much younger brother. Christie is crying and says she feels really guilty about her little brother, who is currently being shuffled among her mom (who is still doing drugs), his dad, and herself. She says she feels guilty for not raising her little brother, but that she doesn't want the responsibility of it, and that's why she doesn't have kids of her own. She says she is not healthy enough to raise a child, and Iyanla presses her for details, Christie says she has an alcohol problem. Rhonda asks if she is planning on drinking in the house, and Christie says she isn't. Next they show a photo of Christie on her wedding day. She says they dated for a year, were engaged for 18 months, and married for 2 years. They are divorced now. She apparently says something negative about her ex-husband (they don't really show her saying it however), and then immediately feels regret that she said something bad about him. She says she feels the need to defend him, and feels hurt and angry when Rhonda and Iyanla attack her for defending him. She tells Rhonda and Iyanla that she feels they have a lack of understanding. Rhonda says that it's interesting that Lisa A., a new housemate, is showing compassion for Christie, whereas the old-timers are happy that Christie is becoming defensive and angry because they know that means she is on her way to healing. In the confessional, Christie says it isn't easy to tell her story, and she thought they would comfort and soothe her, but they didn't. Next they show on the plasma Christie's self portrait. Then Rhonda reveals Christie's goal in the house: Learn to Love Christie. Christie likes her goal. Group is adjourned.
Christie is outside with Kim. Kim is talking about alcohol. Christie says she uses it to numb herself, and that she can't drink socially the way other people can. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Jill, Lisa A, and Christina are talking about Kim. Jill says that Kim said the "new people" are going to take over the house now. Jill finds this comment offensive and says they need to have a group meeting about Kim's attitude.
Rhonda arrives to meet with Lisa N. They walk outside together, and Lisa sees a jail cell set up outside. She immediately realizes that Rhonda knows she has been lying to her, and she has been found out about Mr. Internet. Rhonda has Lisa get in the jail--inside are pillows and a laptop computer. Rhonda says she knows Lisa is already used to living this way, and she walks away, leaving Lisa alone in the jail.
Christina's mom, Deborah, and her son Jackson arrive. Christina hugs Jackson, and in the confessional she says she has missed her mom and son a lot.
Rhonda comes back to Lisa N. and her jail cell. She asks Lisa why she is there, and Lisa says it is for a "reality check". Rhonda asks her if she's been lying to herself, and Lisa says she has been. She says she emailed Mr. Internet and then called him from her cell phone (it's against the rules to make cell phone calls in the house). She tells Rhonda that when her emails bounced back, she also called him from the house phone and left a message too. In the confessional, Rhonda says that if Lisa lies to her, she can't stay in the house. Lisa is now crying, and Rhonda tells her she is crying without tears. Rhonda says Lisa's way of getting out of things is to try to cry her way out. She says Lisa is only remorseful that she got caught. Rhonda tells Lisa to think about whether she really wants to change, and leaves her alone in the jail cell again.
Iyanla arrives and meets with Deborah, Christina's mom. She asks her why she let Christina get married at 16, and Deborah says Christina was very persistent and begging her constantly. Her dad was against it, but Deborah got worn down by Christina and let her get married. She convinced herself that this might be Christina's chance at love and happiness. She says she knew Christina started dancing once she moved to Las Vegas to make ends meet, but thought that she had a happy marriage. Iyanla tells Deborah that Christina doesn't tell her everything. She says Christina has things to share with her mom, and it's not pretty.
Christina and Jackson go to the park for some one on one time. Christina is nervous about the conversation Iyanla is having with her mom.
Iyanla and Deborah are still talking. Iyanla says she believes in full disclosure, and that Christina is going to have to also tell her dad what she has been doing. She wants Christina's dad to recognize his role in Christina's behavior. Iyanla tells Deborah that the Christina she is going to meet today is not the Christina she knows. Deborah says no matter what, she is always proud of Christina.
Rhonda and Christie meet on the street. Rhonda wants to talk about body image. She tells Christie to choose a woman on the street who she wants to look like. Christie does, and Rhonda calls the woman over to them. She asks the woman how she feels about her body, and the woman says there are things she would like to change (she wants bigger breasts and smaller hips). Then Rhonda gets Christie to pick out a woman who she thinks looks most like her body type. She does, and then Rhonda says to go walk beside her down the street so that Rhonda can compare them. Christie does so, and when she comes back, Rhonda says that Christie's butt is wider than the other woman's. They kind of laugh and make light of it.
Lisa N. is sobbing in the jail cell. Kim comes out with a bottle of water for her. Lisa continues crying and is now gagging and appears to be throwing up. Kim asks her what she should do, but Lisa doesn't answer and keeps gagging. Kim gets scared and throws the water bottle near the jail cell and quickly walks away. She says she doesn't know what to do.
Christie returns from her exercise with Rhonda, and tells Jill and Lisa A. about it. Then Jill brings up the Kim issue again, and says she feels uncomfortable in the house. She mentions having a group meeting again.
Christina is at the park with Jackson. They play on the slide, the swings, etc. Christina says she is so happy to be around him again because he brings her so much joy.
Jill goes out to the jail cell to talk with Lisa N. Lisa tells her she threw up all over herself. She says she was asking herself what feeling she was trying to avoid, and she started feeling sick when she realized it was about the sexual molestation she experienced. Then Lisa says she thinks Christie had a worse life than her, and wonders why other people aren't throwing up on themselves all the time. Jill says that Lisa needs to acknowledge how badly the molestation really hurt her. She also tells Lisa it's not her fault that it happened, and that she deserves so much more.
Christina comes back from the park with Jackson. She stops by Lisa's jail and talks with her for a minute. Jackson stares into the cell as Lisa tells Christina that she threw up in there.
Christina goes inside and talks with her mom Deborah. Deborah is worried about what Christina has to tell her. Christina says it's not that bad, and that it's all in the past now anyway. Christina looks really nervous.
Rhonda goes to the jail cell to talk with Lisa N. Lisa tells her she got sick. Rhonda asks her whether she is ready to change. Lisa says she is. Then she tells Rhonda that she told Mr. Internet about her molestation, and then when her emails started bouncing back, she panicked and felt that he had rejected her. Rhonda tells her that she was abused for years, and is now recreating that scenario in her present life. She says the molester is still running Lisa's life. She asks her again if she is ready to change and grow up, and that she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to... Lisa starts talking more about Mr. Internet. She says she wanted to see him again, and that when she did she was going to reject him to his face. Rhonda says Lisa is seeking revenge for the molestation. Rhonda tells Lisa that Mr. Internet does not care about her, and so revenge of any kind is pointless. She says that this is what happens when you wait for the magical moment of revenge--you lock yourself up in a jail cell. She says again that Mr. Internet does not care about her, and that she can't make him pay for when she got molested as a child. Then Rhonda tells her that she'd be sick too if she were doing what Lisa is doing.
Preview: Lisa's day in prison could get a lot worse. Christie reveals more of her shocking past. Jill prepares to confront Kim.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
TJ Graduates
The show starts with Andy Paige and TJ going through TJ's clothes. Andy is giving TJ pointers about what to wear. Jill is in the kitchen with Kim. Kim is talking to Jill about having connections in the house. She says she wants Jill to know that she can come to her if she needs support. Jill feels that Kim is "bulldozing" her, and trying to force a friendship.
Lisa N. is reading her email. She tells Lisa A. that it turns out Mr. Internet was not "blowing her off" when her emails were bouncing back. He had just changed email addresses, and she got an email telling her his new address. She is relieved, and says that Mr. Internet is back and the "fantasy can still unfold".
Andy and TJ continue going through TJ's clothing. Andy asks where Christina is, and TJ tells her that Christina is out taking the second part of her GED. Then they leave to go shopping for TJ's makeover.
Lisa N. is still talking to Lisa A. about Mr. Internet. She says she wanted him to rescue her, but then he moved to Europe. She was very frustrated that he left. Lisa A. says in the confessional that Lisa N.'s obsession with Mr. Internet might prevent her from graduating.
Iyanla arrives to meet with Lisa A. They go outside where Iyanla has set-up a "swamp", which is an artificial pond. In the pond is rancid water, plant material, and oil. Iyanla tells Lisa to reach her hand in it. She does and pulls out what looks like a small dead snake and plant material. Iyanla wants Lisa to get into the pond, but Lisa doesn't want to do it. Lisa says her problems are the result of her husband's behavior. She says he cheated on her; she didn't cheat on him. She says she paid all the bills and talks about the debt she ran up. Iyanla interjects that the debt was created by Lisa, not her husband. Lisa says her husband should have cut up the credit cards and told her not to spend so much money. Iyanla is getting exasperated, and says maybe Lisa's husband, and not Lisa should be at the Starting Over house, since he seems to be the cause of all Lisa's problems. Lisa tells Iyanla that she thinks Iyanla feels sorry for her husband, and not for her. Then Lisa talks about how badly she was hurting because her daughter was getting divorced and was miserable. Iyanla says Lisa was a role model for her children, and that she taught them to be miserable. Lisa starts crying. Then Iyanla says, “Okay, I'm wrong-I don't know what I'm doing here. You need another coach because obviously I can't help you". Then she tells Lisa that before she gives up, she has something for her. It is an assignment to research two types of bugs on the internet. She shows her the names of these bugs (they are long names, and it went by too quickly to write them down), and tells her to find out the definition of them and to see how they show up in her own life.
Lisa N. is talking to Jill about Mr. Internet again. She tells Jill about the conversation she had with Rhonda yesterday about Mr. Internet. Then she talks about the messages she has been leaving for him. Jill is afraid Lisa is going to get kicked out of the house over this.
TJ and Andy Paige go to Belle Gray, an upscale clothing store, to shop for TJ's graduation. She tries on various dresses and skirts, and finally finds an outfit she loves.
Lisa A. is on the computer doing her assignment to look up the two bugs. She doesn't understand what these bugs and this assignment has to do with her.
Jill and Lisa N. are in the kitchen talking about Kim. Kim left a note on the dryer that read: "Please don't put other people's clothes in the dryer." Jill tells Lisa that she crossed out "other people's clothes" and put "Kim's clothes", because that is what Kim really meant.
Iyanla and Lisa A. meet to discuss her bug definition assignment. Lisa says she learned that the bugs are parasites and that they live off a host organism. The second parasite, a leech of some sort, is defined as something that clings, and in humans, someone who takes advantage of someone else financially. Lisa says she realizes the parasite is herself. They go back over to the pond, and Iyanla asks Lisa to get in, but Lisa says she doesn't have the energy. So Iyanla gets in for her and splashes around. Then she asks Lisa how that helps her for Iyanla to do it for her. Lisa says it doesn't help her. Finally Lisa gets in and stands in the pond. Iyanla tells her that she created this for herself, and that she set herself up for what has happened in her life. Lisa agrees. Iyanla asks her what she was looking for, and Lisa says she was looking for happiness. Iyanla tells her that nobody can give you happiness--you have to get it for yourself. She tells Lisa she has to be willing to look at the nastiest side of herself and sit with it. She gets Lisa to sit in the mucky pond. Lisa says it is really gross, and Iyanla comments that "31 years of denying yourself is gross". Lisa sits in the pond and cries.
Christina returns from taking the second part of her GED. She tells Lisa N. that she thinks it went really well.
TJ and Andy go to Dej Salon, so that TJ can get her hair cut and styled. Andy says TJ has "cranial plumage" and needs to have her hair cut shorter. After the haircut, Andy says TJ looks amazing and at least 10 years younger. They do not show TJ.
Lisa A. is still sitting in the pond crying. In the confessional, Iyanla says that Lisa has convinced herself that all her problems are someone else's fault. She says Lisa is not the "bad guy", but that she must take responsibility for herself. Then Iyanla has Lisa lay back in the dirty pond water. Lisa says it is horrible, but Iyanla reminds her that she said the same thing about her home life. Iyanla says there is only one piece Lisa needs to fix, and Lisa says "it is my heart". Iyanla tells her that is correct--it is her heart. Lisa asks what she has to do to fix it, and Iyanla tells her to get up, shake off the mess and clean it up. Iyanla says she will be her partner and they will do it together. Lisa stands up and gets out of the pond, and Iyanla helps her. They are both going to help fix Lisa's heart.
The women all get ready for TJ's graduation. Jill says it has been the calmest graduation day because TJ is so calm about it. Starting Over graduate, Jessica, arrives for the ceremony. Jessica says that TJ is one of her best friends and she treasures her.
Dr. Stan, Iyanla and Rhonda gather outside by the pool with the women and wait for TJ to come down the stairs. TJ looks absolutely stunning! Her hair is beautiful and she is wearing a very nice dress. The women all clap and cheer for her. Rhonda tells her she looks "hot". TJ takes a seat, and Rhonda goes up to the podium. Rhonda says her hope for TJ is that she has the sense of love for herself that she has for others. Rhonda talks about the first day TJ entered the house, and they do a flashback to the very first exercise the women did together at the rope course. Rhonda says that TJ immediately took control, even though she didn't know what she was doing. Then they flashback to TJ monopolizing a conversation with her housemates, and Rhonda says TJ also tried to take control of the house. She says TJ was just trying to find her way. They flashback to when TJ had her meltdown in group (when she was crying and saying everybody was rejecting her). Rhonda says TJ was devastated because she thought everybody was against her. Rhonda then talks about the box exercise and they flashback to that. Rhonda says she realized that TJ was behaving like the whole world was against her, when really the world is for her. She says that as soon as TJ realized that, she started becoming vulnerable and open. They flashback to when TJ tore down her box, with her housemates helping her. Rhonda says that is when TJ earned the respect of her housemates. Rhonda then tells TJ that she is honored to be her life coach and is pleased to know her. She says she has truly enjoyed their time together and that they laughed a lot. She says TJ is very funny and she thanks her.
Next up is Iyanla. Iyanla tells TJ that is can be difficult being difficult, and that it can be difficult being different. She says, however, that there is a blessing in being different because it means you have a different purpose. Iyanla says she is different too, and offers a prayer to TJ that she says for herself. It is a very pretty, strong prayer. She tells TJ that her prayers are always with her.
Stan goes up to the podium next. He says that people like TJ, with attentional problems, see the world in a different way than anyone else. He said he knew TJ had finally connected in their last meeting, when he didn't have to remind TJ to look him in the eye. He said she looked right at him, and he felt that she was connected. He says his hope for her is that she never looks up for the answer, but always looks within. They hug.
Jill goes up next. She talks about initially wanting to stay away from TJ, and how they eventually became friends. She says they stayed up all night talking one night, and that was when she knew TJ's friendship was worth the work. Jill left a gift for TJ under TJ's seat, and she tells TJ to get it and read it. It is a mirror, and it is inscribed. It reads: My Mirror. Sisters for life. They both hug. In the confessional, Kim says she hopes Jill will see the same things she sees in TJ in her...
Rhonda, Iyanla and TJ go up to the podium, and Iyanla tells TJ about her graduation present. She is getting a vacation for herself and three friends, including spa treatments. Iyanla says it is a retreat for TJ to relax and bond with friends. Iyanla congratulates her and tells her she has "started over". Rhonda then presents TJ with her statue, which has inscribed on it: No Longer Alone. Then TJ gives her graduation speech. She says she was very committed to developing friendships before coming to the house. She then tells Kim that she sees herself in her. She tells Lisa A. that she is happy Lisa lives in Denver because they can get together and support each other after Lisa graduates. She tells Christina that she always thought she was an exceptional person. She talks about the process and what it can do. She says she will never forget her experiences here, and thanks everyone for their words. She says "the truth hurts, but at the end of the day, it's all that matters". She and Rhonda hug.
Everybody else leaves and Rhonda and TJ are standing by the pool. Rhonda gives TJ her candle to float in the pool, and leaves her to reflect. TJ sets her candle in the water and says her hope is that she stays connected, stays vulnerable, and lives below the neck.
The women are lined up outside the front door waiting to tell TJ goodbye. TJ comes out and hugs each one. Christina is trying to hold back her tears. TJ says goodbye, and we last see her in the confessional. She says she can't wait to embrace her husband, her mom and her friends. She says there is nothing stopping her now.
The women gather in the kitchen after TJ leaves. Kim is talking about it being hard to say goodbye. She asks them if they are worried they will not keep in touch with each other after they leave. They women say that they are not worried about that at all. In the confessional, Christina says she does see similarities between Kim and TJ, but that Kim is a more annoying version of her.
Christina and Jill are outside talking about what Kim said (about wondering if they'll stay in touch). Neither one of them like what Kim said and are angry about it. Jill says that Kim has been running around there trying to connect with everyone, and that her statement was wrong. Jill says she thinks Kim is a mole who has been sent there to torture them.
Preview: The newest roommate arrives with a shocking story. Lisa N. goes to jail. Christina's mom learns what really happened to her daughter.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Chat Tonight at 8PM EST
There is a scheduled Starting Over chat tonight at 8PM EST. If you would like to participate, go to the discussion forum and click on the live chat link (it's right under the FAQ link), or click here. You can use any username you like to enter the chat room. You do not have to be registered at the forum to chat.Lisa and Mr. Internet
The show starts with Christina getting her artwork ready to sell at the farmer's market. Meanwhile, TJ is packing, and says that a part of her is ready to graduate, but another part of her wishes she could stay at the house forever. She says, however, that she is ready to start using all the skills she has learned in the house.
Christina arrives at the farmer's market and sets up her artwork to sell. She then gets her paints out and begins painting, hoping it will draw people over to her.
Lisa N. is in the kitchen talking to Lisa A. about Mr. Internet. Lisa N. says she romanticized Mr. Internet and has still been emailing him. In the confessional, she says that she thought she would fly to London to see him after she graduated, but now she is not so sure. Lisa A. thinks Lisa N. should get Mr. Internet out of her mind.
Christina is set up and painting at the farmer's market. A man comes up and offers her $50 for a painting. She sells it to him. Then a woman arrives and offers $35 for another one of her paintings.
Kim is outside talking to Lisa A. She is talking about first impressions and says she realizes now that she talks too much. She asks Lisa if the other women are talking about her and saying she talks too much. Lisa doesn't really answer, and Kim continues--she is talking very fast and seems to be rambling.
Jill is on the phone with Allison. She tells Allison that she likes Lisa A, but that Kim is a challenge. She thinks Lisa A talks way too much, and says she is a fake. Meanwhile, Kim is still talking outside to Lisa A. She is going on and on.
Lisa N. talks to Jill about Mr. Internet. She says she met him during a bad time in her life, and she keeps holding onto the fantasy of him now. Jill thinks Lisa N.'s obsession is serious, and says in the confessional that Lisa has been emailing him 6-7 times a day.
Dr. Stan arrives to meet with TJ. He asks her what she is thinking, and she says she is terrified to leave. He says that this feeling is normal because she is leaving her support system. She says her greatest fear is that she will leave and never talk to her housemates again. He tells her that as long as she makes keeping in touch with them a priority, that won't happen. He then tells her he is very proud of her, and is happy that she is graduating.
Christina is home from the farmer's market, and Kim is talking to her. Kim says she didn't know what an escort was at first. In the confessional, Kim says Christina has been aggressive towards her. Christina finds Kim annoying and thinks she is acting too desperate. She doesn't think Kim is being authentic.
Lisa N. calls Rhonda to talk about Mr. Internet. She tells Rhonda that she used to want to marry him, but how she doesn't care about that. Then she says she feels that things were left unresolved between them, and she wants resolution so she might go see him. Rhonda says Lisa doesn't need to see him to get closure. Lisa seems to agree, but Rhonda suspects that Lisa is just telling her what she wants to hear.
Iyanla arrives to meet with Christina. Iyanla says she sees evidence that Christina truly wants to change from the person she used to be. They go outside and Iyanla has laid out on a table a "slate" with words written all over it--the words are ones that would have been used to describe Christina in the past (stripper, bad girl, etc). Then she tells Christina it's time to wipe the slate clean. Christina starts erasing all the words, and Iyanla helps her. Then Iyanla tells Christina to come up with new words--words that she would like to use to describe herself now. She also says that Christina's mom and her son are coming to the house to visit soon, and that there will be "full disclosure". Christina tells Iyanla she may want to move to Los Angeles after she graduates, and Iyanla says that she will have to make plans and prepare if that is what she wants to do.
Lisa N. is on the phone with SO graduate, Jessica. She is telling her about the conversation she had with Rhonda about Mr. Internet. She tells Jessica that she called Mr. Internet last Sunday and told him all about her sexual abuse, etc. She says she was shocked that he listened and didn't cut her off. She says that gave her hope that they could have a relationship.
Christina and Kim are in the kitchen talking. Kim says the two really haven't connected, and that when Christina gets the time, she would like to connect with her. Christina doesn't seem very excited by the idea, and says in the confessional that Kim is too desperate for her to like her. She feels annoyed that Kim is always around her.
Kim then goes outside and talks with Lisa A. She tells her about the conversation she had with Christina. In the confessional, she says that Christina hasn't taken 2 seconds to get to know her. She continues talking to Lisa about the conversation she had with Christina, and Christina overhears Kim talking about her. She calls out to Kim and tells her she can hear her, and that she doesn't like being talked about. Then she accuses Kim of gossiping. Kim says she is not gossiping, she is just venting her feelings. Christina tells her she would prefer that Kim not talk about her when she's not around because "that's gossiping". Kim says she heard Christina talking about her to Lisa A, and asks her whether that is gossiping. She says she doesn't understand the rules, or what the difference is between what she was doing and what Christina was doing. Christina tells her she will "brief her on them later".
Kim then goes inside to talk to Christina. She tells her she doesn't consider what she was doing to be gossiping. She says it was just her way of relieving stress. Christina says someone told her that Kim was talking about her the other day too. Kim says she has never been called a gossip before in her life.
TJ is in her room drawing her new self-portrait. She likes this one a lot better than the old one because this one isn't all scattered and fragmented. Meanwhile, Jill, Lisa A. and Christina are in the other room discussing Kim. Christina says there is a difference between venting and gossiping.
Lisa N. talks to Lisa A. about Mr. Internet in the van. Lisa N. says that Mr. Internet may be blocking her emails because they are bouncing back. She says she wrote him all kinds of "heavy stuff" and she fears she may have scared him away. She says she hasn't had any contact with him in a week. She called him yesterday, but he didn't pick up and she left a message. She tells Lisa A. that he is "the one".
Jill and TJ are outside discussing Lisa N's obsession with Mr. Internet. Jill says she looks like a drug addict in need of a fix, and has been talking about him all day to everybody. TJ says Lisa is secretly trying to get in touch with Mr. Internet, even though Rhonda has told her not to do that. She suggests that Jill tell Rhonda about it. Jill agrees that Rhonda should be told. Jill says Lisa cannot get done what she needs to do in her life with this obsession.
Mitzi Dulan, a nutritional consultant from Nestle arrives to talk with the women. They gather in the living room, and they talk a little about portion control. Mitzi also mentions Jill's weight loss. Then she talks to them about keeping a food log, and says that studies show that people who are successful at losing weight then to keep a detailed list of what they eat every day. They thank Mitzi for her advice, and she leaves.
Christina says goodbye to her housemates and leaves to go take the second part of the GED. She says she feels confident about it, and knows she will do well.
TJ and Lisa N. are putting on make-up and doing their hair in the bathroom. Lisa tells TJ that she has been acting out lately, and breaking the rules of the house. Then Lisa is on the computer, presumably checking her email. Her emails to Mr. Internet have bounced back again, and she says she feels panicked.
Christina arrives at the Learning Center and takes her test.
Rhonda arrives and the women meet for group. TJ is sitting next to her, and she asks her if she is ready to graduate. TJ says she is. Then they open the plasma and show TJ's steps. Rhonda asks her which one was the hardest, and she says it was "giving up control". Jill says she learned that intimacy can be very rewarding, and she feels she has a friend for life in TJ. Then they show TJ's old self-portrait. Rhonda says the person who drew that was not capable of connecting with people. Lisa N. remarks that the old portrait looks like chaos. Then they show TJ's new self-portrait. This one is very pretty and has TJ balanced in the middle of a teeter-totter. Her arms are wide open and she has a big heart drawn in the middle of her chest. Jill and Lisa N. then present TJ with a frame that has several photos of TJ and her housemates in it. TJ seems to like the gift a lot. Rhonda says that because TJ is graduating, Andy Paige is here to give her a makeover. Andy walks in and hugs TJ. Jill says that TJ is already well put together, and probably just needs some polish. TJ and Andy leave for TJ's makeover. Group is adjourned, but Jill stays behind to talk with Rhonda. Jill tells Rhonda about Lisa N's obsession with Mr. Internet. She says it is beyond what could be considered healthy, and tells Rhonda about all the emails and phone calls. Rhonda says Lisa's refusal to give up Mr. Internet concerns her a great deal.
Preview: Lisa N. still hasn't learned her lesson. TJ says goodbye. Lisa A.'s days in the house could be numbered.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Somebody is Going To Graduate
The episode opens with the women waking up and getting ready for their day. Christina saying she feels anxious about taking the GED today. She feels that the test is a crucial step in the process of moving forward. Anna Spalding, a hip-hop exercise instructor, appears in the kitchen and greets the women. She is going to lead them in a work-out. All the women gather in the living room, and began exercising. Kim, however, thinks that Anna is going too fast for her and is not enjoying it, so she leaves in the middle of it. Lisa A. realizes Kim has disappeared, and thinks she shouldn't have just walked out. After the exercise session is over, Jill comments that this is the second time Kim as walked out of a session.
Christina goes to the Learning Center office to take the first part of the GED. She is greeted by Melissa Nickels, the test facilitator. Melissa tells her she will be taking the first of two tests today. Christina is nervous and says she is really freaking out about taking the test.
Dr. Stan arrives to meet with Lisa N. They sit down to talk and he tells her he wants to discuss her relationships with men. First he asks her about her date with Chris, and she says it went really great. Then he brings up Mr. Internet. Lisa says he is 56 years old, divorced and has two grown children. Stan asks her what Mr. Internet wants from her, and she says he wants sex and dinner. He does not want to get married. Lisa says she thinks he is an interesting person and a cool friend to have, and that while she used to want to marry him, she no longer does. Stan tells her that he likes interesting people too, but that doesn't mean he has to sleep with them. He tells her that Mr. Internet sees her as a sex object, and that when a woman feels obligated to have sex with a man, she is not being honest and assertive in the relationship. He says the barter system when it comes to relationships (sex for companionship) is not okay. Stan tells Lisa to call Chris and develop a friendship with him. He tells her to be herself and to be honest.
TJ is in the kitchen with Kim. She is talking about her relationship with Rick. Kim says she always rules the roost in her relationship and is always the one in control. Then they talk about a wine glass Kim broke. It appears that Kim sets the broken glass in the sink.
Dr. Stan and the women meet for group. Stan wants to talk about fairy tales. He talks about the Cinderella Complex that many women have--where they want a man to come and rescue them. He asks TJ whether she wanted to be "rescued" by a man, and TJ says she definitely did have that fantasy, but that Rick is the opposite of that fantasy. Lisa A. says she pursued her husband, instead of the other way around, and that she tried to mold him. Stan asks her how that worked out, and she says it didn't work out well at all. Lisa N. says she thought she would be rescued by a man someday. She says she thought Mr. Internet would save her, but says she now realizes she doesn't want that and wants to write a new story. In the confessional, Jill says she thinks Lisa N. is a liar, and that as soon as Lisa leaves the house, she will go straight back to Mr. Internet. Stan then asks Christina if she met a lot of men who wanted to rescue her when she was doing the escorting/stripping. She says she did get that quite often, and was afraid of their real intentions. Stan asks her what she thinks they wanted, and Christina says they wanted sex because they couldn't get it anywhere else. Jill says that those men wanted a "toy" with whom they could do anything. Stan agrees with Jill, and says that the men who wanted to rescue Christina wanted to make her obligated to them, so that they could then mold Christina to be exactly what they wanted. Jill says she didn't buy into the fairytale of a rescuer. She says she didn't grow up with a father, and that white women are the ones she believed got rescued by men. Stan says that a father is supposed to worship you, and do anything in the world for you, including give his own life, but that isn't the role a husband has. A husband is supposed to be your partner, and someone who enhances your life, not validates it. Group is adjourned.
Lisa N. is in the kitchen and sees the broken glass in the sink. She asks Christina who left it there. There are also dirty dishes laying around. Christina says it was Kim who left the mess, and that Kim needs to start cleaning up after herself.
Lisa N. calls Chris and thanks for the nice date they had. He asks her if she wants to meet for coffee sometime, and she says yes. After they get off the phone, she calls Mr. Internet and leaves a message for him. She tells him her email to him bounced back, and she wants to make sure everything is okay with him. In the confessional, she says she knows she should end it with Mr. Internet.
Rhonda arrives to talk with TJ. She tells TJ they are going on a surprise field trip. When TJ goes to get ready, Rhonda gives the other women a note and tells them to read it after she and TJ leave. As soon as TJ and Rhonda leave, Kim opens the note. In it, Rhonda tells the women to meet her and TJ at the Sunset Ranch at 3PM.
Christina returns from taking the test. She feels that since she is Kim's accountability partner, she has to say something about the dirty dishes and broken glass Kim left in the sink. So she tells Kim there's broken glass in the sink, and Kim said she didn't see it, but goes over to start cleaning it up. Christina says it was really hard to call Kim out, but she felt that she had to do it. In the confessional, Kim says she didn't like it that Christina did that and says she feels frustrated by it.
Rhonda and TJ arrive at the Sunset Ranch. They sit down to talk outside. Rhonda has a scarecrow set up next to where they are sitting, and she asks TJ what the scarecrow symbolizes. TJ says the scarecrow scares away crows like she used to scare away people. Rhonda says that TJ used to think the world was against her, but has shifted that thinking now. She says it is time to take apart the old TJ and see what's underneath. She tells TJ to start taking apart the scarecrow, and TJ starts dismantling it. Rhonda begins to help her, and they rip the scarecrow apart. They throw the stuffing (hay) at each other and seem to be having a good time. When they are finished, Rhonda asks TJ what is inside the scarecrow, and TJ says nothing. Rhonda says she wants TJ to know that there was never anything to "fix" inside her. She tells TJ that she has everything she already needs. TJ says she is now a lovable, approachable person, and is very happy about the change in herself.
The housemates arrive at the ranch, and stand at a distance behind TJ. Rhonda tells TJ to turn around, and TJ is very excited to her all her housemates gathered there to surprise her. They walk over, and Rhonda announces that TJ is graduating. TJ is happy and all her housemates clap and cheer for her. Christina also looks a little sad because she doesn't want TJ to leave. They all hug.
Back at the house, Christina says she is in denial about TJ leaving. TJ calls Rick and tells him that she is going to graduate. He sounds very happy and congratulates her.
Christina is working on her painting, and Kim and TJ are outside talking. Kim tells TJ about what Christina said to her about the broken glass and cleaning up after herself. Christina can hear Kim talking about her and doesn't like it. She feels that Kim should have come to her if she had a problem with what Christina said.
Dr. Stan arrives to meet with Christina. She shows Stan the painting she has been working on, but feel uncomfortable showing him the artwork. They go outside to talk. Christina tells him she is afraid to take her art to the Farmer's Market to sell. She says she does't want to do it. Then she tells Stan about overhearing Kim talking about her. She says she doesn't feel open with Kim and is uncomfortable with her. Stan tells Christina that this issue is Kim's, not hers. He tells her that a woman of honor doesn't backtrack, and is confidant in her actions. He also tells her that the ability to deal with difficult things is what makes gives us strength. Then they talk a little more about Christina's fear of selling her artwork. She says she doesn't think she is ready. Stan tells her to think about it, and that he knows she will make the right decision.
Lisa N. calls Rhonda and leaves a message for her on her voice mail. She tells Rhonda that she is cured of Mr. Internet after talking to Dr. Stan today.
The women leave and go to the Pomodoro Restaurant to celebrate TJ's graduation. As they are eating, Kim starts talking a lot. She says that people always say you marry your father, and that her husband (like her father) is emotionally unavailable. She seems to be monopolizing the conversation, and Christina is making faces to the other housemates as Kim talks. In the confessional, Christina says that Kim talked TJ's ear off, and she was surprised that Kim took over the whole conversation. Back at the restaurant, Jill and TJ decide to go outside and smoke a cigarette. While they are out there, they talk about Kim and how she took over the conversation. Jill thinks Kim is testing everybody's patience. TJ says she feels sorry for Kim, and that she used to act like her. Jill says TJ wasn't nearly as bad as Kim. TJ says Kim can probably feel the rejection of the other women, and she is not pleased with the way Christina is treating Kim. Jill says that when Kim eventually breaks, she is going to be like the "exorcist".
Preview: Tension between Christina and Kim starts to grow. Lisa N's obsession is out of control. Christina's patience wears thin.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Chat Monday (Tomorrow) at 1PM EST
We are having another Starting Over live chat Monday at 1PM EST! If you would like to participate, go to the discussion forum and click on the live chat link (it's right under the FAQ link), or click here. You can use any username you like to enter the chat room. You do not have to be registered at the forum to chat. See you there!
Also, here is a mini-spoiler for tomorrow from Reality Reel.
A search party ensues after Kim waltzes out of a fun group activity. A violent slip in the kitchen further shatters Kim’s relationship with her housemates. A seemingly harmless gossip session turns ugly when one woman overhears that she is the target of her housemates’ reproachful remarks. Life Coach Rhonda Britten brings some good news; one of the women is ready for graduation!
Friday, January 13, 2006
Communication Ceremony and Kim's Rage
The show starts with Lisa N. finding a gift basket for Christina at the front door. Christina reads the letter attached--it is from Iyanla and says that Christina is taking her next step by taking the GED Saturday. Christina says the gift basket makes her feel very good and supported by Iyanla.
Kim calls her husband and then he puts their son, Jacks, on the phone. Jacks, however, gets upset because he misses his mom, and Kim's husband says that talking to her makes it harder for Jacks. Then Kim asks her husband whether she has called her grandmother, so that Jacks can see her. He says he has tried, but Kim says he hasn't. She tells her husband that the grandmother is old and could die, and that he needs to get Jacks together with her. Kim seems a little angry with her husband.
TJ and Rick wake up. TJ says it has been a dream come true to have him at the house with her.
Rhonda arrives and gathers all the women and Rick outside for an exercise. She has laid out a large tarp and lots of different kinds of paint on the ground. She tells them all to start painting the tarp any way they want, but there can be no talking. She gives them a 30 minute time limit. They all get to work painting. Rhonda counts down the minutes, and tells everyone to stop when time is up. She tells them that the exercise was about intimacy. She says that how they painted the tarp indicates how intimate they are. For instance, Kim was painting, and when Christina came too close, Kim touched her hand to get her to move away. Jill was not happy when other people intruded on her painting either. Rhonda says that Jill was stuck on one thing the whole time and left no room for others to join in with her. Lisa N. says she played it safe, and didn't venture out of her own little area she was painting. Rhonda says that the new housemates entering the house will bring up a lot of intimacy issues for everyone. Then TJ and Jill, who are sitting side by side, start hugging. They are both crying. TJ says she has missed Jill, but didn't know how to tell her. She says she is thankful for the exercise because it has allowed her to tell Jill how she feels. Jill is happy about it too. Lisa A. realizes now that she wants to be close to the other women in the house. Rhonda says that intimacy is always a running theme in the house. The meeting is adjourned.
Christina goes to Blick's Art Store to get painting supplies. She says she has always wanted to paint.
Rhonda, TJ and Rick meet. Rick tells Rhonda that he sees a lot of change in TJ. He says she is calmer, more settled and relaxed. TJ says it is wonderful to hear that from Rick. TJ says that their relationship has even more emotional connection now. Rhonda says she thinks TJ and Rick built there relationship on a commonality--that they both have ADHD and want to help "fix" each other. She says she wants them to now have a relationship that focuses on their goals for the future, and to let the Starting Over house help TJ deal with her problems. Rhonda talks about how Rick cheated on TJ before they were married, and about how badly that hurt TJ. TJ said she learned forgiveness from that experience. Rhonda asks both of them if there is anything else that they need to talk about. Rick says that TJ is still throwing a business issue up in his face. TJ vows not to do it anymore. Rhonda gives TJ an assignment: Tonight she is to have a "connection ceremony" in the rose garden. She is to write a statement of truth for each housemate and read it to them tonight.
Gretchen Raff, Christina's GED tutor, arrives and meets with Christina. They go over some aspects of the GED, and Gretchen tells Christina she did very well on the pre-test and will be successful. Christina says she is worried about the essay part of the test, but Gretchen reassures her that she will do fine.
Rhonda and Kim meet outside. Rhonda asks Kim to tell her about an experience in her childhood that encapsulates the abuse she suffered. Kim talks about a situation in which she was forced to eat an entire meal that she absolutely detested. She says later that night, she threw up all in her bed. She says she couldn't go tell her dad, so she just laid in the bed. The next day, nobody washed the sheets, and she had to find a clean spot on which to lie down. Then she relates the story of the first time her dad hit her in front of anyone else. She says her grandmother had given her and her stepsisters dolls. They were arguing over the dolls, and her dad came out and hit her really hard in front of the stepsisters. She says it really hurt and embarrassed her. Rhonda says that Kim relates this story as if she is relating a trip to the mall. She is not feeling the emotions attached to the story. She tells Kim that they are going to work on feelings today. She is going to tell the story of when her dad beat her again, only this time she is going to do it without words--she is going to act it out. Kim kneels on the ground to show how small she was when her dad did beat her--she was about 5 or 6 at the time. Then Rhonda hands Kim a belt and tells her to act like her father. Kim then pushes over a chair (the chair represents her), and starts beating the chair with the belt. She says that when he dad beat her, she was not allowed to cry, or he would beat her worse. Rhonda asks Kim if she is angry about it. Kim says she is not angry; she just feels sad for the child inside her and the child inside her dad. Rhonda asks her if her dad was ever sorry for beating her. Kim says that sometimes he was. She says he would cry and one time he even put a gun to his head. She then had to talk him down. Rhonda then tells Kim that they are not going to leave until Kim gets angry. Rhonda asks Kim what she wants to do to express her anger, and Kim says she wants to throw eggs and break things. Rhonda tells her to go get eggs.
Kim goes into the kitchen to get the eggs. Jill is in there. Jill says that she had a wall up, but Kim has up an electric fence. She says she hopes to see Kim when she finally surrenders to the process.
Kim goes back outside with eggs and various other things to break and throw. She smashes the eggs on the chair, smashes oranges with a bat and breaks things. She cuts open a boxing bag, and spreads the contents of the bag all over the ground. She throws sugar everywhere. Then Rhonda tells Kim to sit in the middle of the mess. She asks Kim how it feels to know that her father would go to any lengths to tear her world apart as a little girl. Kim cries as she thinks about what happened to her. Rhonda gives her an assignment: She is going to go to a coffee shop with one of her housemates today, and tell her about this exercise and what it did for her.
Kim goes to Ciao Coffee and Tea Shop with Lisa A. She tells Lisa all about her exercise. Lisa tells Kim that she wants to be close to her, but that she feels the shield that Kim has put up. Lisa says she hurts for Kim, and feels so badly for her and about all the abuse she suffered. Kim tells her that she realizes she can't feel joy if she can't also feel pain. They both decide to work together to help each other, and they feel that they have forged a bond today.
Christina starts painting with the art supplies she bought. She says she should probably be studying for the GED, but that she also needs to create some artwork that she can sell to raise money. She needs the money to get the pornographic photos of her off the internet.
TJ and Rick say there goodbyes. Rick tells her he had a blast at the house. TJ wishes he could stay. She feels that his visit was an integration for her--it integrated her home life with the work she is doing at the house. They hug and TJ cries. Rick tells her he is very proud of her. Then TJ sits alone and writes her acknowledgements to her housemates for tonight's communication ceremony.
Christina is still painting, and Kim comes in to talk with her. Kim is asking a lot of questions about Christina's life, but it's obvious Christina doesn't feel like talking. Christina feels that Kim wants to talk about superficial things, and she is just too busy.
The housemates gather in the rose garden for TJ's ceremony. TJ starts with Lisa A. She tells her she hopes they will continue to strengthen their connection. Lisa A. is happy about that, and also wants to get closer with TJ. Next she reads a statement to Kim. She tells Kim she hopes they will continue their friendship and that they will develop a deeper level of intimacy. Next is Christina. She tells Christina that she hopes their relationship will continue to be one of patience and tolerance. She says their relationship hasn't always been easy. Christina is happy that TJ acknowledged that. TJ then moves on to Lisa N. She tells her that she hopes their relationship will continue to be open, and vulnerable, and that they will continue to support each other. Lisa is grateful. Finally she goes to Jill. She tells her that she hopes that they can continue their amazing connection--the good, bad and ugly. She hopes they will always tell the truth to each other, and that they will both always be willing to receive the truth. Then TJ makes a final statement. She tells the women that it has been a struggle for her to connect with women, and that she is thankful that they have helped her. They all have a group hug.
Preview for next week: Christina can't handle the stress. Lisa N. goes off the deep end. TJ receives an unexpected wish. Lisa A's days in the house could be numbered.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Chat Friday (Tomorrow) at 1PM EST
We are having a Starting Over live chat Friday at 1PM EST. If you would like to participate, go to the discussion forum and click on the live chat link (it's right under the FAQ link), or click here. You can use any username you like to enter the chat room. You do not have to be registered at the forum to chat.TJ's Husband Visits
The show starts with TJ calling Rhonda to talk about the disagreement she and Jill had. She says she has been feeling detached since Allison left, and has felt overwhelmed by the situation with Jill. Rhonda tells her that that is why she is in the house--to learn to connect, and that her issues with Jill result from a power struggle. Then Rhonda asks TJ how she feels about her husband, Rick, visiting today. TJ says Rick gives her a feeling of safety and comfort. She can't wait for Rick to see the changes in her.
Iyanla arrives and meets with Lisa A. Iyanla has set up a miniature "war zone" model outside. It is a miniature landscape with various geographical features which are labeled. There is a hill that is labeled Judgment Hill, a desert labeled Desert of Depression, and a canyon called Hide Out Canyon. Iyanla tells Lisa A. that she is in a battle, and that to win she must be honest about her own actions, which led to her unhappiness. Iyanla says that Lisa A. must accept absolute responsibility for her life and the choices she has made. She gives her little blank flags, and Lisa A. is to write on the flags all the things for which she now takes responsibility. She is then to put those flags next to the various geographical features.
The women meet for group, but the couches are missing. They start sitting on the floor, when Iyanla arrives with large balls that they can sit on. Each woman gets a ball and sits down. Iyanla says that the balls represent relationships. She says that if we don't have balance in a relationship, we bounce all around. She tells the women that they need to strengthen their cores. She then asks TJ to do crunches while lying across the ball. TJ does so, and finds it easy. Iyanla says that TJ has a strong back and good stomach muscles. Then she has TJ lie across the ball on her stomach. TJ does so, but says it feels kind of painful. Iyanla says that it means TJ has trouble with her "soft side” and with vulnerability in relationships. Iyanla then asks the women how they strengthen their cores. Jill says she gets up every morning and reads affirmations. Lisa A. says she doesn't know how to strengthen it. Iyanla tries to get her to do crunches on the ball, but Lisa A., can't do it. Iyanla says that Lisa A. uses other people to do the work for her, and then when things go wrong, she blames them. She says Lisa A. bases her core on what other people do and thinks she will benefit from their work. Iyanla tells her that she must do the work herself. They talk a little more about balance in relationships, and then Iyanla announces that TJ's husband is coming to visit today. TJ says she is very excited and can't concentrate on anything else. Group is adjourned, but Christina is asked to stay behind to talk with Iyanla. Iyanla tells Christina that she will be taking her GED test this Saturday. Christina says she is excited, and is sure she can pass the test.
TJ talks with Jill about the argument they had. She tells Jill that she doesn't feel the issue is resolved. Jill says that they just have a difference of opinion. TJ tells her she hopes their friendship will withstand the confrontation.
Lisa A. works on the miniature "war zone" model. She says she believes her husband is to blame for her problems, and she is having a difficult time accepting responsibility.
Dr. Stan arrives to meet with Kim for the first time. Kim tells him she feels she is fighting for her life. She tells him she had an abusive childhood, and that the emotional pain of it has been welling up inside her and coming to the surface. She says she has to heal those old wounds in order to really live. Stan asks her about when she gave birth to her son. Kim says she can't really remember it, and thinks it's because it is so easy for her to detach from pain (she learned to do that in childhood).
TJ doesn't know the exact time of Rick's arrival and anxiously waits for him. She writes him a love letter while she waits.
Iyanla meets with Lisa A., who has been working on her assignment. Iyanla sees that Lisa A. has put on the flags very generalized terms. She has labeled the flags bills, my dad, my husband, etc., without any specifics. Iyanla asks her what these words mean. Lisa says she does not feel responsible for the things that have happened in her life. Iyanla asks her where are the flags labeled with the lies, the irresponsibility, etc., that contributed to Lisa A.'s unhappiness. She says Lisa is not being specific enough with her labels, and tells her that if this were a real battle, she would lose. Iyanla says Lisa is in denial. She gives her 7 minutes to come up with specific things for which she is responsible. Iyanla leaves Lisa to her work.
Lisa A. feels nervous because she thinks Iyanla is upset with her. She also says she feels "pissed". Iyanla returns 7 minutes later and asks her how things are going. Lisa says they are not going well. She says she doesn't know if she is the "guilty one". Iyanla says loudly, "This is your life!" Lisa says, however, that she still thinks her husband caused her problems. Iyanla asks, "Whose unhappiness is this?" Lisa says it is hers. Iyanla says Lisa is not owning it. She says Lisa is in a battle, but doesn't know who the enemy is, and that is why she is losing. She holds up her hand to Lisa and tells her to pretend it's a mirror. She asks her who is in the mirror, and Lisa says it is herself. Iyanla says that the enemy IS her, but that she shouldn't judge that. She tells Lisa that she did the best she could, and didn't now any better, but that she is the only one who can now fix the situation. Iyanla tells Lisa that they have failed in this mission. She tells her to talk with her housemates and get advice from them about how to take responsibility for her own life.
Dr. Stan and Kim continue their conversation. He asks her about her relationship with her husband. Kim says that she became very disappointed with him after the birth of their child because he didn't give her the support and help she needed. She says she wants to connect with her husband, but that she doesn't think he wants that. She says he is not emotionally available to her, and she thinks he might not love her. Stan wonders whether Kim married someone she shouldn't have, and thought that she would be able to change him.
The phone rings and Lisa N. answers. It is Allison and she wants to know how Lisa N's date with Chris went. Lisa tells her all about it, and says they are probably going to see each other again. Then Allison tells Lisa to tell TJ that she hopes she has a great time with her husband this evening.
Lisa A. talks with her housemates about the difficult she is having with her assignment. She admits she must be in a state of denial. Kim says that Lisa A. is going to have to be honest with herself and others if she is going to succeed in the assignment.
TJ's husband, Rick, arrives. He is on crutches--it looks like he injured his leg or knee. TJ runs to the door, hugs Rick and cries. They both tell each other how much they have missed one another. Rick says that TJ is learning to be in her heart, rather than her head all the time. TJ introduces Rick to the other women. Jill talks with Rick, and then says she can't believe how Rick is to TJ. She says Rick is a male TJ. TJ and Rick sit on the couch alone. Rick tells her he can see the change in her, and tells her how proud he is of her. They both tear up and hug.
Lisa N. and Kim help Lisa A. move her "war zone" landscape into the house. Lisa A. talks to them about how she has lived a life of lies. She has lied and said her marriage was okay, her children were okay, but it was all untrue. She says she judged her mom for staying with her dad (he had extramarital affairs), and now she has done the same thing and stayed with her husband, who cheated on her.
Rick talks with the housemates and TJ gets ready to go out for dinner. Lisa thinks Rick is so good-looking, open and nice. She says she doesn't know how TJ got him.
TJ is in the bathroom getting ready, and Lisa N. goes in and starts teasing TJ about her name. She asks her what the "T" stands for, and makes a few guesses. TJ gets really angry and says that Lisa is stepping over a boundary. She says she has told TJ in the past not to ask about her name. She says that she will have to turn into a "bitch" if Lisa continues to do it.
TJ and Rick go to Delmonico's Lobster House for dinner. Rick tells TJ that he can see that the distance she had between people is now gone. He says she has opened the door, and is no longer as defensive as she used to be. He says that when she leaves, she will carry that on. He jokes with her and tells her he is going to hold her to it. TJ talks about how supportive Rick has always been. She says he is supportive of the marriage and of her individually.
Meanwhile at the house, Jill, Lisa N. and Christina discuss TJ. Lisa N. says TJ is psycho, and talks about how touchy she is about her name. She ridicules TJ about being touchy about it, and rhetorically asks whether she is also touchy about her birthday. But then Lisa says that TJ did have a point in getting angry with her. She said she did disrespect TJ, and that TJ has gotten better in a lot of areas.
TJ and Rick are still at the restaurant. TJ pulls out the letter she wrote to him earlier in the day, and reads it to him. It is a very moving letter. She talks about how he is the light in the darkness, and how she is so honored to be his best friend, his wife, and his partner. Rick is moved to tears by the letter. TJ says she is so happy to know that at the end of the day, she has someone who totally supports her.
Preview: TJ and her husband come clean. Lisa A. opens up. Kim struggles to face her hellish past.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Jill and TJ Argue, Lisa Goes On A Date
The show begins with a continuation of yesterday's argument between TJ and Jill. They are still arguing in the kitchen about how to spend the grocery money. Kim walks in and TJ brings her into it by asking her whether she felt she had a voice in the decision. Kim says that if three or more people are going to use an item (like wine), then the whole house should pay for it. TJ says if the majority of the women in the house want her to shut up about it, she will.
Iyanla arrives and meets with Lisa A. to create her steps. Her five steps are 1. Evaluate current experience. 2. Clarify/choose direction. 3. Recreate personhood. 4. Develop strategy. 5. Take Action. Lisa A. worries she may not make it through all the steps. Then she and Iyanla go over the pros and cons are her marriage. She says the pros are the finances and being in her comfort zone. The cons are that she never feels loved and is unhappy. Iyanla gives her an assignment to create a mobile of her pros and cons as a visual representation that will keep her focused.
Christina is trying to make $100 today for her assignment. She goes to a consignment shop and sells some items. She gets $54.15 for the things she sells them.
Jill calls Starting Over graduate, Jessica. She talks to her about the issues she is having with TJ. Jessica gives her support and seems to side with Jill.
Christina goes to Art and Soul to try to sell her flower creations. She shows the owner, Tracey, her smaller piece first, but Tracey does not like it. Then Christina goes and gets her larger piece out of the van. Tracey says she likes this piece better, but it is still too "crafty" for what she sells in her store. She says she does not sell pop art, and that her store sells more traditional art. Christina feels embarrassed by the rejection.
Kim helps Lisa N get ready for her date she is going on this evening with Chris. Kim is helping her do her hair, when TJ walks in and tries to take over. She starts doing Lisa N.'s hair, and Kim does not look happy. Kim says she is disappointed that TJ interrupted.
Christina arrives back home and goes into the bathroom with TJ, Kim and Lisa N. She tells the women she didn't sell her artwork. She says she made $95 today, but is too exhausted to go over the details. Then TJ calls Kim her "little apprentice," and Kim says that TJ is "knocking me down". TJ then realizes that she has taken over and says she can't believe she did that.
Jill is in the kitchen, and she says she does not want to be around TJ anymore.
Christina talks to TJ about her day. She tells her she made the money by selling some of her things, and returning some items she didn't want. She says she feels sad and unsettled about not selling her artwork. She says she can't even look at her art now, and would rather spit on it, or throw it in the pool.
TJ finds Jill in the kitchen and apologizes, and then asks Jill why she got mad with her. Jill tells her it's because TJ said that Lisa was saying Jill is lazy. TJ says she just wanted to reevaluate things since there are new housemates. Jill cannot understand why TJ feels the need to change things in the house now, when it has been working well for the last nine weeks. She says she wants to "cuss out" TJ. Jill brings up the comment TJ made about Lisa saying she's lazy again, and TJ says she didn't exactly say those words. Jill corrects her, and says she did in fact say it. Then TJ says she is not denying that she was inappropriate.
Lisa N, meanwhile, is in the living room talking with Kim and Lisa A. Kim tells her what TJ said to Lisa (about the lazy comment), and Lisa N. says she does think Jill is lazy. She also says that Jill can come and talk to her directly about it if she wishes.
TJ and Jill are now sitting at the dining room table, still hashing things out. TJ tells Jill that Jill is not taking anything she says at "face value". Jill says that she isn't taking her at face value because TJ attacked her, and went for the jugular. Then Jill apologizes for being "pissed".
Christina calls her boyfriend, Paul, and tells him she is upset about her day. She says the whole balance in the house is thrown off now.
Jill thinks TJ is creating a "mountain out of a dust bunny", and feels that TJ is trying to create drama.
There is a knock on the door, and Kim answers it. It is Lisa N.'s date, Chris. Lisa greets him, introduces him to her housemates, and they leave for their date.
Christina is sitting at the bottom of the stairs, and says that is how she feels--at the bottom. Then she remembers the clay Iyanla gave her and goes to get it. She takes the large lump of clay outside and throws it to the ground repeatedly to let out her frustration. She says she is angry that things are not easier than selling herself. She says if there was a word stronger than desperation that is how she feels.
Lisa N. and Chris go to a Japanese restaurant. They order food and sake. Lisa N. thinks Chris is cute, funny, and gentle.
Iyanla arrives to talk with Christina about her day. Iyanla says Christina is not celebrating that she made $95, but is instead upset. Christina tells her about her experience at Art and Soul, and also about selling her things to make the money. She says she felt desperate today, and it's the same feeling she had in Las Vegas. After she journaled and threw the clay, however, she came to the conclusion that she was angry because there is no easy way out. Iyanla is very pleased with her realization, and tells her to celebrate her victory. She says Christina is having trouble doing that because she hasn't developed her "victory muscle".
Lisa N. and Chris are still at the restaurant, and now they are cooking their food at the table. Lisa N. gets racy in her comments when she tells Chris about an episode of "Sex and The City". Then she realizes that maybe she shouldn't have said that, but Chris laughed about the story she told. Lisa N. finds Chris to be easy-going, and likes it that he is not bullying or controlling. They talk a little about Lisa N's life and where she attended college. She says she still doesn't know what she wants to do with her life, but Chris says that is okay. He says some of the most interesting people he has met don't know what they want to do at 40 years old. Chris thinks there is a connection between him and Lisa. He also thinks there is a spark, but doesn't know how she feels about it.
Back at the house, Iyanla arrives with a present for Christina. She gives Christina $20, which brings her over the amount she needed to complete her assignment. Iyanla tells Christina she has now exceeded her expectations. Then Iyanla sees Jill, and can tell something is bothering her. They go to have a talk. Meanwhile, TJ talks to the other women in the kitchen. She says she didn't realize how much Jessica and Allison leaving had affected her until now.
Iyanla and Jill discuss Jill's issue with TJ. Jill tells Iyanla that TJ attacked her and went for the jugular. She says she talked to TJ for a long while, but it was just a waste of time. Iyanla asks Jill is maybe she has outgrown TJ, and Jill starts crying and nods her head yes. She asks Jill is she is pulling away from TJ as a result, and Jill agrees. Iyanla then asks her if the tears are for TJ, or for Jill. Jill says they are for herself. Iyanla tells her that sometimes we just outgrow someone. She says that doesn't mean the love is not there, but that the relationship must be renegotiated. She says TJ hurt Jill's feelings, and now Jill is "out".
All the women are now in the kitchen, and Lisa A. tells TJ that she is like her daughter, and that her daughter is also controlling. TJ tells Kim that she knows now that she took over completely when Kim was doing Lisa N.'s hair, and negated everything Kim had done.
Lisa and Chris arrive back at the house. First they hug, and then talk for a second. Then Chris leans in and gives Lisa a quick kiss. He leaves, and Lisa seems very happy with the entire experience.
Jill is getting ready for bed, and says the shift of energy in the house is weird. She says that part of her lost the will to fight for her friendship with TJ.
Preview: TJ goes on the defensive. Lisa A. gets a harsh dose of reality. TJ's husband finally arrives, and her housemates go off.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Lisa A. Arrives
My host has been down for the last day--they had a server crash, but everything is working now and there shouldn't be any further problems.
The show starts with the women talking about missing Allison. Jill is sad that Allison is no longer there, and Lisa says that the other women took Allison for granted. TJ talks to Kim about how blessed she is with having two homes, etc, but says it is not enough. She says she wants to be an example to the new woman entering the house.
The new housemate is in the limousine, on her way to the house, and she is nervous.
Iyanla arrives at the house to talk to Christina about her assignment to make money that she will use to get her pornographic photos off the internet. Christina shows her a list she made of various ways she came up with to make money. Iyanla talks to her about artworks Christina has created, and about selling them. Iyanla tells her to make $100 today.
The new housemate arrives. She says the walk to the front door of the house is the longest walk she's ever taken. She wonders whether she has made a good decision to come to the house. She enters the house and all the women greet her. Her name is Lisa A., and she will be roommates with Lisa N. (From now on I will refer to the original Lisa as Lisa N. and the new Lisa as Lisa A.)
All the women gather for group, and Iyanla and Rhonda arrive. They get right to Lisa A.'s story. They open up the plasma screen and show a photo. Lisa A says it is of her husband, Tony, and her, when they were very young. They dated from the time she was 14 years old, and got married when she was 19. They have been married for 31 years. Lisa A is 51 years old. They have two grown children together--a daughter and a son. She says her husband had an affair in their second year of marriage, and she still feels the pain of it. She and her husband never did anything to resolve it. Later, the "other woman" turned up pregnant, and wanted Tony to divorce Lisa A and marry her. He never did, and he denied that the child was his. Lisa A was happy he denied the whole thing because then she never had to deal with it. The "other woman" passed away last year, and she doesn't know what ever happened to the child her husband fathered. Iyanla asks about their relationship now. Lisa A says she and Tony have slept in separate beds for the past two years. Iyanla thinks that is the way Lisa A punishes her husband. Next they show a photo of Lisa A's bedroom. It is a stark bedroom, with no color or decorations, and Lisa A. says it is sad and plain. Then she says she doesn't work much, and Iyanla asks her how she supports herself. She says she lives off of her husband's salary. Iyanla feigns passing out, and falls off her seat onto the floor. Rhonda catches her. Iyanla is shocked that Lisa A. "lives off" of the man who cheated on her. Lisa A. says it is a comfort zone for her, and Rhonda tells her it is a jail. Iyanla gets back up and sits back down in her seat. Lisa A. feels that the life coaches are making fun of her. Iyanla then asks her how long she has been unhappy, and Lisa A says she's been unhappy for the last 23 years. Iyanla asks her if she ever had a conversation with her husband about the affair, and Lisa A says she didn't, but after she found out about the affair, she initially filed for divorce. However, she backed out two weeks before it was to be finalized because she felt sorry for Tony. She says Tony's way of showing her love is to buy her things, and that she often goes out and blows money. Next they show a photo of Lisa A. and Tony in recent times. Tony has her arm around her, and she is leaning in towards him. Rhonda and Iyanla agree that they at least appear to be a happy couple, judging by their body language. Iyanla thinks something is "rotten in Denmark". Lisa A. then says she wants to be emotionally healthy now, for the sake of her grandchild. Rhonda says she didn't do that for her children. Lisa A. says she does feel guilty about that because her children saw her and Tony fighting, etc., and it caused them a lot of pain. They show a photo of Lisa A.'s son, who is now 25 years old. He has trouble with drugs and alcohol. She thought she was the perfect mother, but later found out that her son has been doing drugs/alcohol since he was 12 years old. He said he didn't tell her because she had so much else to handle, and he didn't want to burden her with his problems.
Next they show a photo of Lisa A.'s sisters. She says she hasn't talked to them in a 1 1/2 years. She didn't want them to know how unhappy her marriage is, and couldn't keep up the lie, so she just stopped talking to them. Next they show her self-portrait. In her self-portrait, she is wearing a mask, and near her feet is a drawing of the sun. Around the sun she has written her daughter and her grandson's name. She says the only sunshine in her life is when she goes to visit her daughter and her grandson. Kim feels that Lisa A is putting a lot of weight on her daughter and grandson in order to lift herself up. Lisa N. identifies somehow with Lisa A's story. Rhonda says it is because Lisa N could become Lisa A. if she doesn't become emotionally healthy before getting married. Lisa N. starts crying. Jill says that Lisa A. has set herself up to be a victim. Iyanla reveals Lisa A.'s goal: Rebuild the Ruins. She has to rebuild the ruins of her relationship with her sister, herself, her marriage, and her kids. Group is adjourned.
Lisa A. says in the one-on-one room that she is not used to being talked to that way. She feels anxiety about being at the house.
Lisa A. and Jill talk. Lisa A. says she feels disappointment over the way the group went. She says she wanted them to feel sorry for her, not her husband Tony. Jill says it is very hard at first, and that Iyanla got right in her face at the beginning and called her a liar. Then Jill shows her around the house. Lisa A. says the process is more difficult than she imagined.
Christina calls Tracey, the owner of Art and Soul, the store in which Jessica sold some of her photographs. She asks Tracey if she can bring in some of her artwork to sell, and Tracey says she would gladly take a look at it. She is going to meet with her later in the day.
Rhonda and Lisa N. meet to discuss Lisa N.'s backbone of pride and dignity. Rhonda holds up a gold coin, and says the value of it is one. She has laid out various purses, and asks Lisa N. to choose one that most represents her personality. Lisa N. chooses one, and Rhonda asks her to look inside. Inside the purse, Lisa N. finds one gold coin. Then Rhonda gets her to look in another purse that Lisa N. thought looked boring. Inside that purse is several gold coins. Rhonda says that means the person who would carry that purse has a lot of hidden qualities. Lisa N. realizes that she tends to judge people by their appearance alone. She also says she uses clothes to trick people into believing she is someone she isn't.
Lisa A. calls her daughter, Stefanie. She talks about her experiences so far, and mentions that Iyanla really tells it like it is. She says talking to her daughter always makes her feel better.
TJ and Jill are in the kitchen, and TJ is telling Jill she doesn't want to go grocery shopping. Jill says TJ is creating drama.
Rhonda and Lisa N. are now standing in Lisa N's walk-in closet. Rhonda tells her she is going to go on a date with the guy she chose (Chris), from the Dream Date exercise. She tells Lisa N. to choose an outfit for the date that is the most authentically her. Lisa N does so, and then Rhonda tells her to call Chris and ask him for a date for this evening. Lisa N. feels like it will be a big test for her to be herself on this date.
Christina is busy gathering her artwork and various items of hers that she thinks she might be able to sell. She is scared that she won't be able to make money in an honorable way.
TJ and Lisa A. are talking outside. TJ tells her to look at her like a sister. Then she tells Lisa A. to do her a favor and not "mother" anyone in the house. Lisa A. does not feel comfortable with the way TJ is talking to her.
Iyanla and Lisa A. meet. Lisa A. says she is overwhelmed and fears she is too far gone to be helped in the house. Iyanla says Lisa A. lives in a fantasy land and that she is afraid to let go of the lies she has lived, and the false image she has created. Iyanla asks her what she is most afraid of, and Lisa A. says she is most afraid of telling the truth. Iyanla says that the ruins are the foundation of not being able to tell the truth. Iyanla tells Lisa A. that she has a shame inside her because she loves a man who treated her so poorly. Iyanla tells her that a lot of women have loved a man like that.
Lisa N. calls Chris for a date. He says yes, and will arrive to pick her up for dinner at 7:30.
Christina continues to gather things to sell, and TJ helps her load her artwork into the van. As Christina is driving to Art and Soul, she says she feel a pit in her stomach, and feels the familiar feeling of having to make money to survive.
TJ, Jill and Kim are in the kitchen. TJ is talking about how Jill and Lisa N. bought wine when they went shopping for food. She says that if they want wine, they should buy it with their own money because not everybody drinks wine. Jill says splitting up the money is not worth all the drama. TJ keeps hammering away at the issue, saying that they should work something else out related to the food money. Then, seemingly out of the blue, TJ says to Jill that Lisa N. is still saying that Jill is lazy. Jill feels like she has just been sucker-punched. (In the one-on-one room she is crying because TJ hurt her feelings.) Jill then calls TJ a "bitch". TJ asks, "Did you just call me a bitch?" Jill doesn't respond. TJ feels that she has just lost Jill's friendship.
Preview: Tension between Jill and TJ hits an all-time high, and their friendship will never be the same. Lisa wonders if her first date will be her last.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Allison Graduates
Allison's graduation day is finally here. All the women, including Jessica who has returned for the graduation, are gathered outside by the pool. Allison is upstairs waiting to make her entrance. She says she is scared to graduate. Iyanla goes up to get her and says she is very proud of Allison and all the work she has done in the house. She says it will be difficult to see Allison leave.
Allison makes her way down the stairs as her housemates, Dr. Stan and Rhonda stand up and watch. They show a flashback of an interaction each of the housemates had with Allison as she descends the stairs. Allison takes her seat, and Iyanla goes up to the podium.
Iyanla says that people come into our life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. She says Allison's reason for coming to the Starting Over house was to learn to live. They flashback to the first day Allison arrived at the Starting Over house. They show clips of her and Iyanla working on her issues with the "squatters" she had, and of the day Allison found out the results of her genetic test. Iyanla says that Allison's journey has been one of the most difficult journeys anyone has had in the house. They flashback to Allison's first graduation, and then Iyanla says Allison had a reason to come back a second time. She says Allison showed up "a mess" the second time. She had just had surgery to remove her right breast and her uterus, and she wasn't completely healed from the surgery. They show a flashback of her second arrival at the house. Iyanla then talks about the lifeboat exercise, and how Allison jumping in the boat was a powerful statement that she would do whatever was necessary to survive. Iyanla talks about the "bopping bags" exercise, in which Allison released the anger she had for her father. Then they flashback to the "cleaning out the refrigerator" exercise, and Iyanla talks about how Allison pushed her that day. She said that was when she knew Allison was strong again. Iyanla says that Allison is a steel magnolia. She says the final break from the past came when Allison did the memorial service, in which she said goodbye and put to rest a lot of her baggage. They also show a flashback of that day. Iyanla says that her hope for Allison is that she have a lifetime of laughter. She says that the joy in Allison's heart, life and experiences melts the steel forever. She tells Allison she will stand with her, for her, and will be whatever Allison needs her to be. Iyanla and Allison hug, and then Rhonda goes to the podium.
Rhonda says that she was very concerned about Allison when she entered the house for the second time. She says that Allison was very resistant to love herself, and refused the love of others. She talks about a group they had (and they flashback to it), of when Rhonda got Allison's housemates to emotionally support her, hug her and rub her back. She says that Allison kept trying to get away from their love, but Rhonda insisted that she receive it. She says she hopes that day was the beginning of Allison learning to accept love from others. She says it has been a great pleasure for her to watch Allison blossom. Her hope is that the love Allison feels for her housemates is reflected back to her, and that she feels that kind of love for herself. She and Allison hug, and Dr. Stan gets up to speak.
Before Dr. Stan starts, Allison interjects that he has very nice hands and has always loved his hands.
Dr. Stan says that one memory really sticks out for him about Allison. It was the day Allison spoke at the breast cancer fundraiser in Las Vegas. (They flashback to that day). He says he was very impressed with her sensitivity and her ability to connect with the audience that day. He feels she has a real gift. When she returned to the house for the second time, he said she had gone from victim, to survivor, and back to a victim again. They flashback to a difficult session she and Dr. Stan had, when Allison was very upset about getting the news that she would graduate soon. Stan says that he saw a transformation in Allison after that, and can see a "silent strength" starting to grow within Allison. Then he talks about Allison and her issues with men. He says it is easy to see what a man would love about her. He says she is beautiful, strong, powerful, and cares for people a great deal. He says the only thing missing is her self-confidence, and that she is a work in progress. He hopes for her an imperfect life, as we all have, that is filled with challenges that lead her to a life of true joy. He and Allison hug, and TJ goes to the podium to speak.
TJ says she is at a loss for words. She says that it was difficult being Allison's accountability partner, and Sat times she wanted to strangle Allison, and also wanted to hug her. She says that she knows Allison feels the same way about her. Her hope for Allison is that she will always remember that all the women in the house love her more than anything, and that whenever Allison starts "spinning", she should get on the phone and call them. She says she watched Allison during season 2, and that she was an inspiration for her to change her life.
Christina is up next. She says that Iyanla once asked her which woman in the house most represented herself and which woman represented her mom. She said Jessica represented herself, and Allison represented her mother. She says that even though Allison cannot have children, she has been a mom to her and to all the housemates. (They flashback to Allison comforting Jessica and TJ through trying times in the house.) Christina then says that after the "horrifying" board of review, in which she got a "C", Allison told her that the "C" was the best thing that could have happened for her. Christina says that it turns out Allison was right. Her hope for Allison is that she will be like a bird and soar free.
Kim goes up to the podium, and says that she's only known Allison for a few short days. She thanks her for the wisdom and experiences about the Starting Over process that Allison has shared with her in this short time. Her hope for Allison is that this is the last time Allison graduates from the house. She also hopes for peace for her throughout her life.
Jessica goes up to the podium next. She says she is filled with happiness for Allison. She says it has been an incredible journey with her there and says Allison is her sister. She hopes that Allison will see in herself the woman that Jessica has grown to love.
Lisa is next. She says she is honored to have been Allison's roommate. She says that Allison and Rhonda are the only two people who can tell her things she doesn't want to hear, to whom she will listen. Her hope for Allison is that she will continue to have prosperity and abundance throughout her life.
Jill goes up to the podium next. She says that she and Allison have a lot in common. Both of them have trouble seeing their own glory. She says she has loved Allison, been afraid of her, has wanted to be her, and has been inspired by her. They flashback to when Jill was talking about her impending fibroid surgery. Jill says that Allison opened the door for her to be vulnerable. Her hope for Allison is that she finds joy in every single day, and in the smallest things.
Iyanla then goes up to the podium and Allison joins her. She has Allison repeat after her: "I, Allison, am stepping forward with balance, self-acceptance and a clear vision of my future. I have started over."
Rhonda goes up and presents Allison with her graduation gifts. They give her long-term financial counseling, $2500 towards paying off her debts, and an internship with the Magic Johnson Foundation. Then Iyanla presents her with a trophy that reads: Allison, Living Large, Starting Over 2005.
Allison takes her turn at the podium. She says she doesn't know what to say, and there are no words for how Iyanla saved her. She mouths "thank you" to Iyanla. Then she says that Rhonda was feisty towards her and that she never gave in to Allison. She thanks Rhonda for challenging her and not giving her a break. She turns to Dr. Stan and talks about how much she loves his hands. She says that she was terrified of men, and Stan is the first man with whom she has ever felt comfortable. She thanks him. She says she will proudly take the trophy, and that she has loved every minute of being in the house. She says that the Starting Over house saved her life.
Then Stan gets up and gives Allison a large envelope. He tells her to open it now. She opens it and finds inside a signed photocopy of Dr. Stan's hand. Allison loves it and they laugh and hug.
Everybody then leaves Allison and Iyanla alone out by the pool. They hug again, and Iyanla comments that she has hugged Allison more times than she has hugged her husband. They tell each other that they love each other, and Iyanla leave Allison alone to reflect and to float her candle in the pool.
Allison sits by the pool, and floats her candle. They flashback to many of the experiences Allison has had in the house. The flashback ends with the time Allison and Jessica through flowers into the ocean.
The housemates are lined up outside the front door, and each has a yellow rose for Allison. She hugs each one goodbye and they give her the rose. As Allison is leaving, she says that she did not have the will to live when she came to the house, and that she did live, and now she is living large. She says again that the Starting Over house saved her life.
After Allison is gone, the housemates talk. Jill says the dynamics of the house has changed so much with Allison gone. Christina says that Jessica and Allison's energy in the house cannot be replaced. Lisa says she can feel that Allison is missing and is sad about it. Jill wonders who is going to calm everybody down in the house now. She says the house is now full of supercharged personalities.
Preview: The women meet their newest roommate, and her story rocks their world. A friendship starts to unravel, and everything falls apart.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
New Episodes Start Tomorrow!
Well the holiday break is over, and the new episodes start airing tomorrow. According to the official Starting Over episode guide, on Monday Allison graduates, a new housemate, Lisa A., arrives on Tuesday (two Lisa's will be in the house!), and TJ's husband, Rick, visits the house on Thursday. Thanks to cybergrrrl, in the forum we also have a weekly mini-spoiler to speculate over. It seems as though Iyanla thinks one of the women is not making progress, and a dinner TJ has with her husband might not go too well. It sounds like an interesting week!
Friday, January 06, 2006
A House Divided (Originally Aired 10/24/05)
The episode begins with Rhonda arriving and gathering the ladies outside. She gives them an exercise: They are given tools and instructions and must work together to construct a volleyball net. Rhonda says the project is a metaphor for communication, cooperation and teamwork. Before she leaves the women to their task, she tells them they are having their first Board of Review that evening. The women are anxious about the BoR, especially Lisa.
Rhonda returns to the ladies a little while later as they are working out how to build the net, and gets Lisa for a meeting. Lisa and Rhonda meet and talk about Lisa’s dependency on her parents for financial support. Rhonda asks Lisa what would happen to her if her parents were gone—how would she survive? Would she be homeless? Lisa says she would have to stand on her own two feet. Rhonda believes that Lisa doesn’t realize how much the dependency on her parents is stifling her growth. Rhonda tells her they are going on a road trip…
Iyanla arrives and meets with Jill. Iyanla gets Jill’s bag, labeled ‘unworthy’, and they talk about the contents. Inside the bag is ‘judgmental’ and ‘disrespect’ (the things that Jill does which make her feel unworthy). Iyanla asks Jill to finish the following sentence: “I believe I’ve been unworthy because…” Jill finishes the sentence with “because my father didn’t want me.” She tells a story about how she tried to contact her dad because she wanted him to save her from her ‘Cinderella existence when she was in the 6th grade, living with her mom. She never could get in touch with him, and after that she gave up ever trying to contact him again. She says that’s when she shut off the idea that anyone would ever be there for her.
Rhonda and Lisa’s road trip is to the Union Rescue Mission, a place which offers assistance to the homeless. The directors of the mission give Lisa and Rhonda a tour of the facility. As Lisa walks through, she starts realizing that her life is not much different than a homeless person—she just has her parents to help her instead of a rescue mission, but overall it’s the same life with just a ‘pretty window dressing’.
Iyanla and Jill continue to talk about Jill’s absent father. Jill says she doesn’t have any example of unconditional love from a man because she never had it from her father. Iyanla has an exercise for her: She gives her sock puppets (one is ‘Little Jill’ and the other is Jill’s father), and Jill is to create a puppet show in which she has a conversation with her father about all the things she has always wanted to say to him, and also how she imagines he would respond. As Jill works on the puppet show, she has a moment of clarity and realizes how angry she has been for so long.
The other women continue to work on the volleyball net, and things are not going too well. TJ and
Iyanla and Jill start the puppet show. Iyanla plays Jill’s dad and Jill plays herself as a child. They run through the things Jill wanted to tell her dad—about him never being there for her, etc. Iyanla (as Jill’s father) asks Jill to forgive her, but Jill doesn’t respond. They end the play, and Iyanla tells Jill that when she forgives herself, it will be easier to forgive her dad.
Allison,
Iyanla and Rhonda arrive for the BoR. Rhonda says they have a unique situation and that the house itself is up for BoR. She says they have never seen a group like this one—there is no warmth, no connection among the women. They ask the ladies if there are things that they want to tell each other, but haven’t.
Rhonda then announces that she and Iyanla have decided to give the whole house a ‘C’, and therefore the whole house is on probation. She says it’s the first time this has ever happened, and that all of the women could be asked to leave if they can’t cooperate with each other.
The reruns are finally coming to an end! Preview for Monday: Allison's journey in the house is finally over, but does she have the strength to move forward? Find out Monday when Starting Over returns!
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Communication (Originally Aired 10/21/05)
The show starts with Iyanla arriving and the women gathering for group. Iyanla talks about the power of words and says that we all carry around hurtful words that were said to us as children. She goes around the room and asks the ladies what one word was said to them as a child that hurt them the most. Jill says it is the word 'fat'. Lisa says it is 'lazy'. TJ's word is 'inappropriate', and Allison's is 'fake'. They don't get to
Dr. Stan arrives to meet with Allison. They talk about Allison's poor body-image. Allison says she sees herself as a 'fat blob'. Stan says that negative self-talk can actually change a person's brain chemistry over time. Allison says she feels ashamed and Stan asks her what she is ashamed of--she says she's ashamed of getting cancer and of how it changed her body. Stan says that Allison's shame is irrational and is a critical element to overcome if she is to be emotionally healthy. He says when her words about herself change, her feelings will change.
Rhonda arrives and notices that Jill is not carrying her bags as she should. She wonders whether Jill is getting what she needs to get from the exercise.
Rhonda and TJ meet. Rhonda has TJ get back into her box of loneliness. They talk about integrity and TJ says that although integrity is something she deeply values, she doesn't always live it. She says it is a knife in her stomach to think that she doesn't have integrity. Rhonda leaves TJ in the box to write on the walls her feelings about integrity.
Allison goes to a baby clothing shop to buy a gift for Riley, the baby she is going to spend time with today.
Rhonda goes back to TJ and gets in the box with her. They talk about the words TJ wrote on the wall about integrity. She wrote 'honesty', and Rhonda asks her whether she uses honesty as an excuse to say whatever it is she wants to say. TJ says she does, and Rhonda has her cross that word out. They go over other words TJ has written on the box. Then Rhonda gives TJ a new exercise to learn to communicate. She is given four cards, each with a question. She is to ask herself each of the four questions before she speaks to someone. The questions are: 1. Is what I'm about to say necessary? 2. Is what I'm about to say true? 3. Is what I'm about to say helpful? 4. Is what I'm about to say kind? If the answers are all 'yes', then she can say it, but if there's a 'no' to any of the questions, she should not say it, but instead write down her feelings about what she was thinking of saying.
Rhonda finds Jill and talks to her about her not carrying the bags. Jill says she feels like she is being punished and doesn't want to carry the bags--she doesn't feel like doing anything when she's carrying them. Rhonda tells her to call Iyanla and tell her that she is not fully doing her assignment.
Allison arrives at Elizabeth House, which is a house for women in crisis. She meets with director Terry Bright, and then a young mother brings out her beautiful baby, Riley, for Allison to meet. Allison holds her and gives her the present she bought her. Allison is left to spend some time alone with the baby.
The rest of the women go to a restaurant for lunch. Lisa brings up the word 'prostitute' and talks about the definition. TJ continues doing her communication exercise. As they are eating, a strange man comes up to the table and asks
Allison is still at Elizabeth House visiting with Riley. She plays with her and says she feels very comfortable holding her. She tells her that her mom will always love her and to always be herself. After her visit, she realizes that she will be okay even though she cannot be a biological mother.
Back at the house, Jill calls Iyanla. Jill is upset and tells her she has not been doing her assignment fully--carrying the bags everywhere. Iyanla tells her she must see what the bags represent, and that she is not being punished, but is making a victim out of herself.
Iyanla and Allison meet and they discuss the visit she had with Riley. Allison talks about how freely babies give and receive love, and realizes she doesn't have to be a biological mom to give/receive love from a child. She also say she realizes her mom loves her and her dad (who is now deceased), loved her too. Iyanla asks if she misses her dad, and Allison says that she does sometimes. When he wasn't raging, he was funny and gentle. Iyanla asks Allison how she rages, and she says by getting cancer. Iyanla does not want Allison to blame herself for the cancer and says she must free herself of this belief. Allison says she doesn't know how, and Iyanla says she doesn't either, but all they have to do is set the intention.
Jill goes to her room and says she needs some alone time to think about the things she and Iyanla have discussed.
Dr. Stan and TJ meet. They start to talk and TJ is looking off in another direction. Stan tells her to maintain eye contact with him, otherwise she will get distracted. TJ does a good job of maintaining the eye contact with him after that. They talk about her day, and her communication exercise.
Iyanla and
Rhonda and all the women meet outside to discuss TJ's new communication skills. All the women say they feel much more comfortable with TJ, and that they've actually gotten some wisdom from her in the last few days. They all cheer for her and give her a lot of positive feedback. Then Rhonda and the women go over to TJ's box of loneliness to tear it down. TJ tears the box down while the women all encourage and support her. Rhonda says tearing it down is admitting that TJ has connection to others and no longer has to feel lonely and isolated.
Next week the new episodes begin!
Preview: After a long and difficult journey, will Allison have the strength to finally leave the Starting Over house, or will fear stand in the way? Find out Monday 1/09, when Starting Over returns. Don't miss one moment of the emotional and surprising end to Allison's journey in the Starting Over house.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Lisa Gets Real and Jessica's Anger Unleashed (Originally Aired 10/20/05)
The episode begins with the ladies being given an exercise: They are to take two photos of each other--one sitting and one standing. Allison doesn't want her picture taken, and says she wants it over with.
Rhonda arrives for group and brings along with her an expert in body language, therapist and author, Catherine Cardinal. Each of the ladies stands up one by one and Catherine analyzes her posture and the two photos they took this morning. First up is Lisa. Catherine says Lisa fluctuates between feeling very pretty and feeling ugly. She says there is something inside Lisa that makes her unable to fully claim herself. She says Lisa uses distraction/diversion so that she doesn't have to deal with what is going on inside. Lisa is shocked and agrees that Catherine is right. Lisa seems more 'real' today, and is much more open. Rhonda comments that it is the first time she has ever seen Lisa be herself. The other women agree. Allison is next to be analyzed. Catherine says Allison has the 'isn't it nice?' syndrome, and that she has unexpressed fear behind her eyes. She says that Allison must have experienced a trauma of some sort, and that the emotions associated with it need to be expressed. Allison is very fidgety with her hands, and Catherine says that is from a deep need to express fear. Allison thinks Catherine's assessment is sad, but true. Jill is next. Catherine says Jill makes decisions based on what will hurt her the least. She says Jill needs to 'get a backbone.' Jill agrees. Allison starts crying and Rhonda asks her what is wrong. Allison says she wants to be someone to whom people are drawn, but that her protective bubble keeps people out. Rhonda says that her bubble keeps her from getting love. Next is
Rhonda and Jessica meet out by the pool. There are bricks laid out beside the pool, and Rhonda tells Jessica to write something she is angry about on each brick and throw them into the pool. Jessica writes on the bricks that she says she is angry at her grandmother for being mean to her mom. She is angry with herself because she was supposed to travel with her mom that day, but decided not to at the last minute. She is angry with politicians, and angry that she had to witness her mom die a violent death. She is also angry at not having control. She throws all the bricks in the pool. Jessica starts crying and says there is no way to escape these things. She says her mother's death was used as justification for war, but that her mom stood for peace. Then Rhonda tells her she will have to go and get each brick. Rhonda says the bricks are submerged just like Jessica's anger is submerged, and asks her whether she is willing to go in and retrieve that anger. Jessica dives in and retrieves the bricks.
Rhonda and Lisa meet outside. There is a large blank canvas set up with 'My Life' written in the center. Lisa is to write on it the regrets she has had in her life. She normally denies that she has regrets, and Rhonda tells Lisa that she has brainwashed herself into forgetting regretful decisions she has made. Rhonda asks Lisa about her regrets. Lisa says she regrets marrying a man she only knew for three weeks. Lisa wonders what kind of person would do that. Rhonda says Lisa has a vision of herself that doesn't match up with the decisions she has made in her life. Rhonda gets Lisa to write her regrets on the canvas. Lisa comes up with more regrets from her childhood. She regrets being the lookout when some of her friends stole things, and then she comes to the major regret of her life. She starts crying and says that when she was 11 years old, she 'let' her friend's brother molest her and didn't tell anybody. He said if she told, he would kill her parents. Her biggest regret is that she didn't tell anyone. She is devastated by it and feels that in some way she 'deserved' it. She felt that she couldn't tell and that keeping the secret kept her parents alive. The molestation went on for over a year. She says she cannot enjoy sex and has never enjoyed it because of the sexual abuse. She says she has gone years without having sex because she doesn't like it. She says the molestation is also why she married a man she didn't even like. Lisa realizes now that this event has been running her life. Rhonda leaves to let Lisa finish writing her regrets on the canvas.
Rhonda and TJ meet and they both get inside the cardboard box from yesterday. Rhonda gives her another communication assignment: TJ has to wear a necklace with various phrases (yes, no, tell me more, I feel your pain, thanks, etc.), written on piece of paper. She cannot talk today, but can only communicate with the things written on the slips of paper. Rhonda says TJ is going to practice non-verbal communication and listening today. They both exit the box, and TJ goes off to practice communicating with her housemates.
Rhonda goes back to Lisa, who has finished her canvas of regrets. Lisa talks about how she has let men humiliate her over and over again throughout her life because she felt she deserved to be humiliated (because of the molestation). As Lisa looks at the canvas, she realizes that she has been hiding a lot of things from herself, and that these things are blocking her from moving on with her life. Rhonda says Lisa has been wronged, but that Lisa is the only one who can fix it now and make it right. Rhonda tells Lisa she must say 'no' when before she always said, 'yes'. Lisa shouts 'no' a few times and then writes 'NO' in big letters all over her canvas of regrets. The exercise seems very cathartic for her. She cries openly and then feels exhausted and doesn't know what she's going to do with all the things she has uncovered.
Rhonda and TJ meet at the end of the day, and TJ says her exercise of not speaking and listening has been very successful. Rhonda says TJ is more focused and calmer. TJ feels she has accomplished something, and that it was a very rewarding exercise.
Jill, who has been carrying around her baggage, says she is finished with these bags. She has been getting increasingly agitated and says her back hurts from carrying them. She calls her friend and talks to her about her weight issues. She says she doesn't want to think that skinny women are 'evil' anymore just so that she will feel better about herself.
Rhonda meets with Jessica. They lay out the bricks symbolizing her anger onto the ground, and Jessica is given a sledgehammer. She smashes each brick and pours all of her anger into it. It's a very powerful exercise. Afterwards, she hugs Rhonda and cries. She then says she feels better, and that holding all that anger inside made her feel numb and disconnected.
Allison has been depressed all day since the body language expert meeting that morning. She feels that she looks 'horrific' in people's eyes. She is very low today, but her feelings are not resolved in this episode.
Preview: Tension in the house builds. Jill has a breakdown over carrying her baggage.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Life Raft and Jessica's Play (Originally Aired 10/19/05)
The episode opens with
A handsome man in a sailor outfit comes to the door and tells the ladies that Iyanla sent him and they are to meet him out by the pool. When they get to the pool, they see a life raft in it. The sailor reads a note from Iyanla. It says that this is the ship of life and the ladies should each argue their case for why they should get a seat on the raft. They all make their case and then Iyanla arrives. She says she is there to see
The women and Iyanla meet for group. Iyanla talks about the difference between survival and living. She said survival is about the past, what we had to do to get through it, and living is about using our fear to grow our courage. To get out of survival mode and into living, we have to forgive the past. Group is adjourned.
The women go back to the pool and the sailor hands out survival gear to the ladies. Jill predictably gets yet another bag to carry, and is upset about it. Then Iyanla tells them that there is a problem and only five people can fit on the raft, and she and the sailor leave. The women try to decide who doesn't get to go on the raft, and they finally decide it should be Lisa, since she was given a life vest when the sailor handed out survival gear.
Rhonda arrives and she and Jessica meet. Rhonda talks about a recurring dream Jessica is having about arguing with her mom. They talk about the pattern Jessica had with her mom--first they would argue, then Jessica would isolate herself, and then her mom would come and find her and they would make up. Rhonda feels that Jessica is 'waiting' for her mom to come and make things better. She gives Jessica an assignment: Write a play about the last conversation she and her mom had, and what she would want her mom to say to her now. She will present it at a small theater for her housemates that evening.
Rhonda and TJ meet and Rhonda wants TJ to experience the loneliness she had as a child, so she gives her an exercise. There i a large cardboard box painted black on the outside (with the top cut off), and TJ has to get in the box, and write inside it all of her feelings. TJ gets in and gets to work...
A couple of hours later, Rhonda returns to TJ and gets in the box with her. TJ has written things all over the walls of the box--how she feels scared, lonely, guilty that her dad worked all the time (because she thinks he did it to get away from her), etc. Rhonda says to get out of the box she has to learn her first communication skill--Other centered communication 50/50. Rhonda explains that this means she has to reference the person talking to her and not always reference herself during a conversation. They both exit the box.
Iyanla calls and tells Jessica to tell all the women that there's going to be bad weather and only three people can fit in the raft. At first the passenger list has Lisa,
Iyanla arrives to see Allison in the raft, and
Jessica has finished her play and the women meet at the theater. Allison is to play Jessica's mom. the first part of the play is about an argument Jessica had with her mom days before she died. It's an argument about money--her mom wanted to give her money when she moved into her own apartment, and Jessica didn’t' want it because she wanted to be an adult and take care of herself. The second part of the play is very touching and is about what Jessica wants her mom to say to her now. Allison is an incredibly good actor playing the role of Jessica's mom. She tells Jessica how much she loves her and how she will always love her no matter what. The housemates in the audience are crying, and Jessica is experiencing all of her emotions as she acts out the scene with Allison. At the end of the play, they all hug. Allison says she felt that Jessica's mom was speaking through her to Jessica.
Preview: Lisa reveals an unbelievable trauma. Allison’s self-esteem plummets. Jessica prepares to unleash her fury.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Christina Meets A Role Model, Lisa's Dinner Party (Originally Aired 10/18/05)
They didn't run the show today in my area--there was a football game instead. But on the official site, the episode guide does say that they were showing a rerun today. So here is the recap of the show they presumably ran today in some areas.
The show starts with the women getting an assignment from Stan. Stan has sent over herbs for the women to create an herb garden outside. Jill is still carrying her baggage, and is getting more and more frustrated with it. TJ is still wearing her very dark sunglasses and earplugs from Rhonda's assignment yesterday.
Back at the SO house, Jill has decided not to carry her baggage anymore. She leaves all the luggage outside in various places. TJ is worried that Jill will get in trouble for it, but Jill doesn't seem to care.
Iyanla arrives and talks to
Iyanla finds Jill's baggage outside and goes to look for Jill. Jill tells Iyanla that it was just time to let that baggage go, but Iyanla isn't buying it. She asks Jill why she just left it all out in the driveway for other people to step over--Jill doesn't really have an answer. Jill says she is lost and doesn't know what she is supposed to be doing. Iyanla tells her she is supposed to be carrying the baggage around until she is no longer resistant. So Jill has to go get her baggage.
Dr. Stan meets with Lisa and they talk about what it is to be an adult. Lisa says an adult takes responsibility for herself. Stan says that when Lisa's parents bought her a place to live, etc., they took away Lisa's incentive to do things on her own. He also says that her parents don't trust her because she hasn't given them a reason to do so. Lisa talks about how she never completes anything, and Stan tells her that success is in making the attempt, not in the outcome. He gives Lisa an assignment: She is to cook dinner for the housemates and him that evening, and is to do all the shopping, cooking, etc., by herself.
Iyanla and Jill meet at an obstacle course that has been set out in the tennis court. Jill has to take her baggage with her as she makes her way through it. Iyanla encourages her as she makes her way through each obstacle, and she completes it. Iyanla says this is a big accomplishment for Jill. Later in the living room with the other women present, Iyanla announces Jill's accomplishment and tells her she can put down one of the bags she's carrying--the self-sabotage bag. But Iyanla then gives her another bag--one that is labeled 'overwhelmed, disobedient, and confused’. Jill is very upset that she has to carry this bag around too.
Dr. Stan arrives for Lisa's dinner party. Lisa has done almost all of the work, but did get Allison to set the table before Stan arrived. Stan, however, does not know this, and praises all of Lisa's hard work.
After dinner,
After Stan leaves,
Preview:
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